Day One with Zoey

Hello friends...this is Keri posting.  Zoey is napping and Eden is at the pool with Daddy so I have a few moments to try and collect my thoughts on becoming a family of four.  First and foremost, we are grateful...grateful to be here, at this place, at this time.  The Lord performed a miracle getting us here.  My sweet husband worked tirelessly for 2 years to get to this little girl.  Many of you gave sacrificially and prayed for us...and here we are.  The adoption became official this morning when we returned to the Civil affairs office...but let me back up and give you details of yesterday from mama's perspective...

We got up and had our paperwork meeting with Rebecca (our Lifeline person here).  She was AWESOME!  She did a great job of managing our expectations and she even knew some of our kiddos because of Lifeline's partnership with MaoMing.  She actually warned me that Zoey would not like me, or anyone for that matter, because she doesn't do well with strangers.  Part of our paperwork meeting was having the schedule and information about our children that the orphanage sent translated so that we would know what questions we had when we met the orphanage director later on.  Miko (another Lifeline worker who lives here) sat and translated for me.  We found out Zoey's daily schedule, food she eats, bathroom and sleeping routines, and some information about her development and personality.  She was described as delayed, which we knew.  She was described as peaceful and quiet, slow to react, language delayed and cognitively delayed as well as small in size.  We knew most of this before we came.

So, after paperwork we gathered our "bag of tricks" which for us included a Tigger pez despenser (HUGE HIT), Puff snacks, water bottle, and a couple of toys.  Armed with paperwork, cameras, and butterflies in my stomach, we set off for the Civil Affairs office.  Once there, we were herded to sit and wait.  They called all MaoMing families up and started literally pulling the kids one by one out of the playroom and thrusting them at us.  It was chaotic, surreal, and somewhat funny looking back.  Zoey came out last.  I will never forget that moment as long as I live.  Gene, Eden and I were waiting and they shoved her out and she walked out grinning from ear to ear, looking around, having (I'm convinced) absolutely no idea what was going on. She was just looking all around and grinning.

I finally got her attention and took her hand and walked her over to the side so we could officially meet for the first time.  Mother and daughter, father and daughter, sister and sister, grandmother and granddaughter...finally we were on the same continent, in the same country, in the same province, in the same city, in the same room.  Her reaction was so completely different from our experience with Eden that I was taken aback.  Earlier in the day we found out what "foster care" looked like for her.  She spent her days in the orphanage, and had several other children in her foster home...so there is not the strong attachment Eden had with her foster mom.  Plus, Eden lived with one family from 3 months until we got her at 19 months, and Zoey didn't go until she was 2.

Zoey did cry a little bit yesterday, but not enough in my opinion.  She is sweet and funny, but I can tell we have a long way to go to teach her to attach to anyone.  She is cooperative and playful.  She never resists and doesn't seem scared of anything (baths, strollers, new surroundings/people, brushing teeth, changing clothes).  When we are in the hotel room she is much more engaged.  But when we leave the room she completely zones out...it may be just too much for her - or that may be how she normally is...don't know yet.  What I do know is that this little girl THRIVES with one-on-one attention.  She delights in it.  She craves it.

After we brought her back yesterday we played a little, bathed, ate, and went to bed.  She slept great...but has pretty significant repetitive rocking in her sleep.  I'm assuming it's self-soothing habits from long ago and have no idea what to do because Eden didn't do that.  She woke up happy and smiling this morning.  Ate a great breakfast and then we went back to Civil Affairs to finalize the adoption.  Hasn't cried a bit today...once again, that's not normal.  Any "normal" 3 1/2 year old would be freaking out if they were just taken away less than 24 hours ago from everything familiar.  Eden grieved so hard, and Zoey not at all so far.  So, we will just take it day by day and let the experts at the International Adoption Clinic help us when we get home. 

I'm gonna be transparent here for a minute...I'd rather her be grieving.  With Eden, her grief was so deep that I knew she was very attached to her foster mother.  What I see in Zoey - and it is WAY too early to know for sure - is a little girl who has never truly attached.  She has definitely been well cared for physically.  She has been played with and watched and fed.  I am so grateful for that.  But she is so detached...from everything.  She watches and observes us - which is good.  But I honestly think if I let her, she would sit and play by herself all day long.  When I sit in the floor with her she lights up like a Christmas tree.  When we are alone in the room she will look me in the eye and somewhat engage...but out in public she completely closes down.  Some of this could be her developmental delay...not sure yet.  I do sense (once again too early to know for sure) that there is a true delay there and not just normal orphanage delays.

Oh, and she will eat until she makes herself sick.  So we will have to work on that, too. 

Overall, we are doing wonderfully.  Eden has been incredible.  Loving, patient, kind, and helpful.  Zoey won't engage her much but definitely isn't mean to her.  I think she's more used to playing around other kids than with them, which is typical for her age.  I know it won't be long until she loves her big sister.  I'm thankful there are 2 little girls and 2 little boys Eden's age who are biological kids in our travel group so the siblings are having a great time together while mommys and daddys focus on new little ones.  As usual, my mom is selflessly serving us however we need her to.  I am so grateful for her!

That's all for now...need to get her up so she'll sleep tonight.  Thank you for your prayers.  Love you all!