My Thoughts on Zoey

Look at that sweet smile! She lights up the world with that little smile. The little girl with a big smile. She is described by her caregivers as quiet and cooperative...are we sure she's a Mason? Ha, ha, ha! Maybe she'll balance us out :0)

It was a Thursday late morning. I was doing a math lesson with Eden up in the school room and Gene was working from home in his office downstairs. I heard the phone ring but didn't want to interrupt school to answer it. I heard Gene say, "Hello...hold on a minute, Keri will want to hear this." And he ran up the stairs and put the phone on speaker so I could hear. Then Amy from Lifeline said those words all adoptive moms dream of..."we have a file we'd like you to review." My stomach did flip-flops. Amy went on to describe the child to us, her age, where she lived, her special needs, etc. Then she told us she was e-mailing us the file and to let her know if we were interested after we reviewed it. Then the sweetest thing happened...Eden, who was sitting there listening to all of this, exclaimed, "We are already interested!" It was so sweet. I had planned to not share any info with Eden until we knew for sure the child we would adopt but that's just not how it went down.

So we ditched school and ran downstairs to the laptop...the email was there. My shaking hands clicked on the little paperclip and the attachment started to open. We were huddled around the screen as I began reading out loud..."Name, age, size, and then it came...the story of how she was found...I began to cry. I won't share details here...it is her story...but suffice to say it broke my heart.

The next few days were spent with lots of calls and emails to gather information about what exactly "developmental delays" might mean for a child that a) has spent 3 years in an orphanage, and 2) lives on the other side of the world. Honestly, I think we ended up with more questions, what if's, and maybe's...but we also ended up with peace that passes understanding. Gene and I just knew...despite all the unknowns and risks, we were to pursue this little girl as our own. One look at her and Gene said, "She looks like a Zoey." That was on the short list of names we liked. Zoey means "life."

I don't know what struggles lie ahead for my sweet one in that orphanage, or for my sweet one lying next to me. But I know those struggles don't change how precious her LIFE is, and how much she is wanted. Of course I am somewhat nervous. Eden was 19 months old...Zoey will be 3 1/2 when we adopt her. Eden was in a loving foster home...Zoey is in an orphanage setting. Eden's special need was physical in nature...Zoey's is more complicated. I feel completely unprepared in a lot of ways. I am thankful that the Lord has reminded me this past month of how He carried me, and led me, and prepared me to be a first-time mom to an adopted toddler before. And even though this situation is different, our family dynamic is different, Zoey is different, God is the same.

So, when I start to stress out (how am I going to homeschool with a little one, how is Eden going to adjust to another child, how are Gene and I going to prioritize our marriage, I wonder what kinds of doctors we are going to need, what if she has...) I am reminded of Whose child Zoey is first and foremost. I am comforted that God sees her and knows her and loves her. He knows the exact moment, day, month and year of her birth. He knows her DNA. He knows everything her birth mom did, or did not do, while pregnant. He knows her medical history, even though for the rest of her life we will put "unknown" on that part of medical forms. He knows what scares her, and what comforts her. He knows what is making her smile in these photos. He knows what she likes to eat.

I know NONE of this. But I know Him. I talk to Him and hear straight from Him in His Word. And He has raised up an army of people to pray for, love and support our family through this journey. He has given Zoey LIFE...and I trust His will and His ways for her. I know He hates injustice...but I also know He is sovereign over it and allows it for His glory. I wouldn't have chosen this beginning for her. It makes me sad that the first birthday I celebrate with her will be her fourth. She already walks, talks, and is potty trained. I've missed a lot of her little life. She has missed crucial steps in her emotional and developmental health. This will create issues...no question about it. But oh, how I long to bring her home and love her. She is so, so worth it...they all are.

Please pray for her. At 3 1/2 she will experience great loss when she is adopted. Yes, she is gaining so much, but that doesn't discount the last 3 years of her life. My heart is so burdened for her transition. I have no doubt it is right and best...but I hurt for her loss that is to come.

Love you all...and thank you!