Day One with Zoey

Hello friends...this is Keri posting.  Zoey is napping and Eden is at the pool with Daddy so I have a few moments to try and collect my thoughts on becoming a family of four.  First and foremost, we are grateful...grateful to be here, at this place, at this time.  The Lord performed a miracle getting us here.  My sweet husband worked tirelessly for 2 years to get to this little girl.  Many of you gave sacrificially and prayed for us...and here we are.  The adoption became official this morning when we returned to the Civil affairs office...but let me back up and give you details of yesterday from mama's perspective...

We got up and had our paperwork meeting with Rebecca (our Lifeline person here).  She was AWESOME!  She did a great job of managing our expectations and she even knew some of our kiddos because of Lifeline's partnership with MaoMing.  She actually warned me that Zoey would not like me, or anyone for that matter, because she doesn't do well with strangers.  Part of our paperwork meeting was having the schedule and information about our children that the orphanage sent translated so that we would know what questions we had when we met the orphanage director later on.  Miko (another Lifeline worker who lives here) sat and translated for me.  We found out Zoey's daily schedule, food she eats, bathroom and sleeping routines, and some information about her development and personality.  She was described as delayed, which we knew.  She was described as peaceful and quiet, slow to react, language delayed and cognitively delayed as well as small in size.  We knew most of this before we came.

So, after paperwork we gathered our "bag of tricks" which for us included a Tigger pez despenser (HUGE HIT), Puff snacks, water bottle, and a couple of toys.  Armed with paperwork, cameras, and butterflies in my stomach, we set off for the Civil Affairs office.  Once there, we were herded to sit and wait.  They called all MaoMing families up and started literally pulling the kids one by one out of the playroom and thrusting them at us.  It was chaotic, surreal, and somewhat funny looking back.  Zoey came out last.  I will never forget that moment as long as I live.  Gene, Eden and I were waiting and they shoved her out and she walked out grinning from ear to ear, looking around, having (I'm convinced) absolutely no idea what was going on. She was just looking all around and grinning.

I finally got her attention and took her hand and walked her over to the side so we could officially meet for the first time.  Mother and daughter, father and daughter, sister and sister, grandmother and granddaughter...finally we were on the same continent, in the same country, in the same province, in the same city, in the same room.  Her reaction was so completely different from our experience with Eden that I was taken aback.  Earlier in the day we found out what "foster care" looked like for her.  She spent her days in the orphanage, and had several other children in her foster home...so there is not the strong attachment Eden had with her foster mom.  Plus, Eden lived with one family from 3 months until we got her at 19 months, and Zoey didn't go until she was 2.

Zoey did cry a little bit yesterday, but not enough in my opinion.  She is sweet and funny, but I can tell we have a long way to go to teach her to attach to anyone.  She is cooperative and playful.  She never resists and doesn't seem scared of anything (baths, strollers, new surroundings/people, brushing teeth, changing clothes).  When we are in the hotel room she is much more engaged.  But when we leave the room she completely zones out...it may be just too much for her - or that may be how she normally is...don't know yet.  What I do know is that this little girl THRIVES with one-on-one attention.  She delights in it.  She craves it.

After we brought her back yesterday we played a little, bathed, ate, and went to bed.  She slept great...but has pretty significant repetitive rocking in her sleep.  I'm assuming it's self-soothing habits from long ago and have no idea what to do because Eden didn't do that.  She woke up happy and smiling this morning.  Ate a great breakfast and then we went back to Civil Affairs to finalize the adoption.  Hasn't cried a bit today...once again, that's not normal.  Any "normal" 3 1/2 year old would be freaking out if they were just taken away less than 24 hours ago from everything familiar.  Eden grieved so hard, and Zoey not at all so far.  So, we will just take it day by day and let the experts at the International Adoption Clinic help us when we get home. 

I'm gonna be transparent here for a minute...I'd rather her be grieving.  With Eden, her grief was so deep that I knew she was very attached to her foster mother.  What I see in Zoey - and it is WAY too early to know for sure - is a little girl who has never truly attached.  She has definitely been well cared for physically.  She has been played with and watched and fed.  I am so grateful for that.  But she is so detached...from everything.  She watches and observes us - which is good.  But I honestly think if I let her, she would sit and play by herself all day long.  When I sit in the floor with her she lights up like a Christmas tree.  When we are alone in the room she will look me in the eye and somewhat engage...but out in public she completely closes down.  Some of this could be her developmental delay...not sure yet.  I do sense (once again too early to know for sure) that there is a true delay there and not just normal orphanage delays.

Oh, and she will eat until she makes herself sick.  So we will have to work on that, too. 

Overall, we are doing wonderfully.  Eden has been incredible.  Loving, patient, kind, and helpful.  Zoey won't engage her much but definitely isn't mean to her.  I think she's more used to playing around other kids than with them, which is typical for her age.  I know it won't be long until she loves her big sister.  I'm thankful there are 2 little girls and 2 little boys Eden's age who are biological kids in our travel group so the siblings are having a great time together while mommys and daddys focus on new little ones.  As usual, my mom is selflessly serving us however we need her to.  I am so grateful for her!

That's all for now...need to get her up so she'll sleep tonight.  Thank you for your prayers.  Love you all!

Yes, Mommy Is Alive!

It's been a while since I posted so I wanted to take an opportunity to write while Eden is napping. First of all, thank you to everyone for your prayers and support for our family. I cannot begin to express how tangibly I have felt your prayers on the other side of the world, and here at home. God truly is BIG!!! There have already been countless times that I wanted to just throw my hands up and walk away, or sit down and throw a tantrum with Eden, but God has sustained me through your love and prayers every time. I don't even know where to start...what an amazing journey. Now that we're home with her, a new journey is beginning. I've never been a mom (to a human being) before. What an awesome responsibility.

Many times I have said, "Lord, what were you thinking?" Eden needs so much from me right now that doesn't "feel natural." She needs me to be near her when she is grieving and tantruming so that she can push me away. She reaches out, and when I reach for her she pushes me away. But she needs to know I'm there if she decides she wants me. The smallest things set her off. The other day she tripped and fell and hit her head and when I scooped her up she immediately began grieving and pulling away from me. The natural "mommy" tasks like changing diapers, feeding, rocking, comforting, and just loving and cuddling are so hard for her to accept from me right now. I have waited so long to shower her with my love and she just won't let me a lot of the time. But boy, when she does, what joy fills my heart! I knew going into this that she would not love me back for quite a while, but I had no idea how hard she would try to get me NOT to love her.

The more I love her, the harder it is for her to resist loving me. So me being loving to her, especially when she is trying to push me away, angers and frustrates her. I have wept with her as she struggles against me. Her tantrums are great times for me to release my tears as well. Can you picture it? Mommy and Eden bawling our eyes out on the kitchen floor. This is much of our relationship right now. But...for the past few days Eden has begun to notice my tears. She looks at me in a new way, as if to say, "Do you understand that I am sad? Is that why you are crying, too?" My prayer is that God will help her to understand that she is not alone in her grief. I will never understand the depths of her confusion and pain, but I do care...I care so very much. Adopting a toddler is hard...but it is wonderful. For all of you following the blog who are waiting to travel and/or adopt an older child, I want to gently speak to you on behalf of your child.

Please do not let people tell you that your love for your child will be enough for the transition that lies ahead. Let your love drive you to fall on your knees and beg God for wisdom and insight into what your child will need. Don't just pray for the paperwork to go through faster (let's face it, that's what we're thinking about 99% of the time), ask Him to prepare your heart for the unique needs of the child He is entrusting to you. He will faithfully do so. Blogs, websites, etc. are great resources, but there is only One who knows your future child inside and out. Let Him be the first place you go for answers. And let Him lead you to other resources. I only read one book before we adopted. A friend recommended it to me. It is called "Toddler Adoption" by Mary Hopkins-Best and it is an incredible resource for those of you adopting a child between the ages of 1 and 4.

I know many of you have been so encouraged reading our blog because you are in the season of waiting. I am so thankful that God has used our story to encourage you. Please let me further encourage you to use these days wisely, as God has given them to you for a reason. I KNOW the waiting is hard, and seemingly senseless...but I can honestly say on this end that God used the months and months of waiting to strengthen my faith and dependence on Him. And I honestly could not endure the times of rejection from Eden right now and love her through them if He had not worked in my heart as I waited. Cooperate with His work in your lives during this time...your cooperation will reap a harvest in your precious child's life. Please don't let my honesty scare you! The joy SO outweighs the trials and difficulties! I look at Eden everyday and think, "Two weeks ago you belonged to no one on this earth, and now you have a family." Daily I am humbled and reminded of God's great love for me, my daughter, and for all mankind.

My prayer for Eden is that God will use what she is going through now to soften her heart and strong will to His presence and His voice so that one day, she will be adopted again...into His forever family. As Gene and I walk through these days, we are keenly aware of the responsibility and privilege God has given us to give Eden a picture of His love for her. No matter how hard she pushes, how loud she screams, how mean she is, we will never leave her or forsake her. She is ours, we have sacrificed for her and chosen her and bought her with a price not because she has done anything to earn it, but because we love her, unconditionally. She is the apple of our eye and valuable beyond compare to us, no matter what. She is our child. Our prayer is that we are painting a picture for her of the unfailing love that Christ has for her. I am posting a few funny photos I have taken over the past few days. Eden is a mess, so funny and silly.

What joy she has brought into our lives. I need to go get some things done before she wakes up. No one told me how much I would look forward to Eden's naptime!! Love you all!

One Day at a Time

Thanks to everyone who continues to contact us through our adoption blog. Now that we're home and thoroughly jetlagged, we will probably update this every few days or so--maybe twice a week in total--as there is less news to share.

I want to ask you to be in prayer for Eden's bonding with mommy and daddy. We're in the days now where the rubber meets the road, and frankly, this is much more difficult than we imagined. I think Keri was wise in preparing for the worst in terms of grief, loss, language barriers and other factors, but you always think in the back of your mind, "Oh, that won't be us."

Well, Eden is a wonderful little girl and we love her dearly. She is sweet, kind, funny, focused and observant. She's so smart, and genuinely joyful at times. But two days ago she entered a new home in a new time zone (13 hours' difference), with a new diet, a new minivan (she'd never been in a car seat before yesterday!), and just two familiar faces in me and mommy. We're struggling to help her adjust to the time difference, and carefully balance the beginnings of behavior/tantrum control (don't throw your fork, sweetheart!) with an understanding that some of this is the only way she can express her frustration, grieve and begin to move on.

There is no book for this, no magic hotline to call, and though we have the best training and advice, I feel like an airline pilot landing a plane full of people for the first time--even with all the qualifications, it still makes you sweat.

Eden has good days and bad ones. We've seen some mighty tantrums in the last few days since getting home--probably among her worst. She'll lay on her back and just scream her little lungs out until she's near exhaustion. We'll hold out our hands to comfort her, but she'll push away until a certain point--sometimes 30-45 minutes--when she tires and begins to accept our love and affection again. What a picture of how God must feel with us at times--holding out His hands waiting on us while we scream about our wants and push Him away until we just give up... I never dreamed so many pictures of salvation would unfold in this whole experience.

I've posted just two pictures here--the very first one we took with Eden, and one that our friend Donna Houston snapped at the airport on our return home. They book-end an amazing experience, but they also are parentheses around Eden's beginning with us. As the days slip by and smells, tastes and sights of China fade for us and for her, I pray what is built up in its place is a strong bond of family in Christ between us.

May we kindly ask you to join us on our knees that the Holy Spirit will knit us together as family in the coming days?

She Is Indeed a Toddler!

Another interesting day in Wuhan as we await our paperwork from the Notary Office (that's why we're staying the week here--it takes a few days to process all the adoption papers). Again today Eden was a little sad, but she seemed to find her figity-ness. She is indeed a toddler and contorted herself into all kinds of pretzel shapes in our arms as we carried her about today.

This morning our guide had a tour lined up of the city starting at 9:00 a.m. First of all, Wuhan in the summer is hot. I mean really, really hot, even by Birmingham standards. It's an oven inside a sauna sitting in the desert, wrapped in red peppers and covered with Tabasco. It wasn't quite misery walking around with the baby and the other families, but it was close. I think I lost five pounds due to sweat, which is good cause I need to drop a good 20 anyhow.

First we saw the Provincial Museum, where the contents of a 2,400 year old Chinese Nobleman's tomb were on display. Think of Egyptian tombs where everything is buried with the Pharoah--same thing. This guy had a 5-ton set of musical bells buried with him. They were cast in bronze and the whole assembly stood about 10 feet high. Knowing Jim Watkins' weariness at church handbells, I actually thought these might be cool enough to play in church on Sunday, so I took a few pictures.

There was a handbell concert that we went to and it was pretty cool. The music was cool, that is--the room itself was a blast furnace. Oh, did I mention it was crowded? They ended the show with Beethoven's Ode to Joy, which was fun to hear on an instrument created 400 years before Christ walked the earth.

Then it was on to "Yellow Crane Tower." I can't tell you the story of why it was built, because by this point in the day, I was "Minged-out" (our inside phrase for too much Chinese history at once). Apparently, though, every major monument requires an insanely large number of stairs to climb before you reach it. From the top of the tower we could see the whole city (that is, what we could make out in the haze of smog). There were some nice gardens nearby and Eden let me hold her for a while. I even got a few kisses in on her cheeks while she had her guard down.

We've really enjoyed seeing all the people, culture and getting a sense of the life here in China, but since Monday we've been more and more captured in our attention with little Eden. So we're really looking forward at this point to moving on tomorrow to Guangzhou. Tomorrow we'll get Eden's adoption certificate and a receipt (yes, when you adopt a child in China, they give you a receipt--"Paper or plastic? Would you like fries with your daughter?")

Speaking of Eden, here are some funny things about her. First, she likes to hold several things in both hands at one time. She picks up her bottle, her ball, her doll, and then wanders around frustrated as to why she can't hold a fourth item. She has found out exactly where we hide the cookies (she says, "beh beh" for cookie) and can not only point to where they are in the closet, but will walk over and show us what she wants just in case we don't understand. When something falls on the floor while she's eating, she has to stop and point to it until someone picks it up or "deals with it" in some manner. She LOVES watermelon--it captures her total focus as soon as someone places it on the table. She has learned to say "Maggie" (our dog), "Nana" (grandmom) and "Kay Kay" (Aunt Kelly) from their pictures in her little picture book. I've gotten just a few "Popa's" out of her, but she's just now starting to open up a little.

We've been blessed to meet some other great families and hang out with them here in Wuhan. We'll be meeting up with a few more families in Guangzhou. Tomorrow's plane ride should be interesting. Tonight we still have dinner (noodles we think) and bath time (earplugs, anyone?). She hasn't done any real grieving today but we're expecting some tears later as well--all the day's activities take her mind off of her foster mom during the day. When it's quiet at night she begins to process a little more and the tears usually come.

Thanks again for all your notes and emails. We miss everyone over there halfway around the world. Looking forward to arriving home next Wednesday.

Eden Hope, Day 2

This morning we returned to the Civil Affairs Office to continue our paperwork for the adoption. Yesterday we essentially "checked out" Eden on a 24 hour evaluation basis. Today there was a brief interview at the Office and they asked us if we really wanted to adopt Eden after we "reviewed" her for 24 hours. Of course we nodded wildly! Yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes!

Last night Eden slept all the way through the night. She seems to be used to a crib, because she took to it immediately. Today for her nap we laid her in the crib again and she already knows that's the sleeping place. It bears noting that her crib is the most comfortable bed in the hotel--the beds here might as well be quilted concrete they are SO hard.

Okay, now for the tough part. Eden is grieving the loss of her foster mom. This is completely obvious, a little painful to watch, and continued today. Now, today was a little better than yesterday, but she really does understand that someone is missing. Today several times she broke our hearts by walking to the door and pointing and saying, "mama." Sorry, sweety. We wish we could fully explain it to you. All we can do is support you now as you mourn the loss of your foster mom. We love you so much but unfortunately today that's just not enough. Eden has this little look she gives where she furrows her eyebrows and is obviously trying to figure things out. She'll give us great eye contact but I don't think she really thinks of us as mommy and daddy yet. I think the process that the Platt's went through in Kazakhstan where they visited the orphanage every day for two weeks would actually have been better than the "cold turkey" transition we've had--at least better for the baby to ease her into the transition.

The first bath time today was traumatic. We tried the tub last night but she burst into tears when her feet hit the water. Today we got sneaky and took her to the pool first and played a little. She was really scared, so we did not stay long. We can see streaks of bravery in her at play time, but she is so out of her comfort zone right now that anything new she just stands still and processes. Every child loves bubbles, right? Not Eden, at least not yet. We blew some bubbles at the pool and she cried like we were showering her with toxic waste. Oh well, all good things will come in time. I'm really looking forward to giving her some detailed instruction in the finer points of blowing bubbles...

Bath time had to come though and she full-on cried throughout the experience. No, mom, please, not the washcloth! No, no, not the shampoo! Ahhhhhh! What a tragedy! Mommy, you were mean to wash me, how could you!

Eden is crying quite a bit in her grief and we know we haven't seen the full scope of her little personality. We've gotten just a few smiles, and those have been precious and wide-mouthed displays of all 10 of her teeth. Before nap time today she cried in her crib and Keri stayed next to her and prayed over her until she fell asleep. We are seriously falling in love with this little Asian princess. We're just prayefully supporting her through the really big transition right now. It's kind of an odd process because when we grieves we actually don't stop her from crying by saying, "Shhh" or "Don't cry." Instead we let her cry and just rub her and pat her back and say comforting things as she grieves. I'm so grateful for all the preparation we had going into this--it's really helped us to not lose it ourselves in the process.

Oh, almost forgot to mention breakfast and lunch, which were quite the photo-ops. Seems Eden prefers her watermelon by the whole slice. At lunch, she would not give up until we gave her a "big person spoon" and promptly covered her face with mashed potatoes. Thanks to the marvel of digital photography, we'll be able to hold these photos over her head in so many new ways when she grows up. Ah, the joy of being in communications...

And one small note about China. There are NO fortune cookies here. None whatsoever. Seems that is actually an American invention. For the lunch buffet though there was "Duck Neck," "Dried Fish Skin with Chinese Spices" and "Spicy Lamb with Goat Cheese and Noodles." Mmmmm, tasty.

Tomorrow we head to visit Eden's orphanage. We expect this to be a very traumatic time for her. We met with many behavioral specialists before coming to China and all said that this would be a good experience for her--to go back, and then to leave with us. It will help her to process what is happening. Tomorrow we will also visit her "finding place" where she was abandoned in January of 2006. That will be an emotional experience for us too. So we're packing extra Kleenex in Keri's giant personalized diaper bag.

Thanks for your continued prayers and notes--they are so appreciated. We're here in Wuhan until Friday as the Civil Affairs Office processes paperwork and finally presents us with our adoption certificate, and then we head on to Guangzhou to finish up at the American Consulate.