The Orphanage Visit

Hubby Gene here once again. I'll talk a little about our orphanage visit on Friday, though I am sure Keri will post her perspective at some point. We drove from Guangzhou to Maoming starting early in the morning--departing at 6:30 a.m. It's about 5 hours to this neighboring city to the southwest. This is where Zoey was found and lived her life up until a few days ago.

Maoming is much smaller than Guangzhou. It's filled with tens of thousands of people on mopeds. I've never seen so many motor scooters. We got to the orphanage just before lunch time. The staff led us up to the fourth floor playroom, where we met many of the caregivers. We got pictures of several children whose Lifeline parents asked us in advance to contact. We gave out some care packages to these kids and talked with the orphanage director.

Then we met Zoey's foster mom. It was really a rather unemotional experience, which surprised us. Zoey cried when she and some other teachers left the room, which was one of the few times she has showed any kind of great emotion, so we took that as a good sign. We gave her foster mom a gift and soon left the room. Our travel group had gathered some money and given it to the orphanage and they showed us the large pile of diapers they were able to purchase with the money.

The orphanage was comparatively nice, based on others Keri and I have seen around the world. They kids had good food, a roof over their heads, indoor plumbing and obviously had some good education resources. They took us to Zoey's preschool classroom and we saw her little chair with her Chinese name printed on the back of it. Her former teachers played with her there a few minutes.

Finally, they took us around front to Zoey's "finding spot"--the place where she was abandoned. We posed for a picture there, but neither Keri nor I felt like smiling. Zoey is abandoned no more, so we felt that we kinda checked that off our bucket list and were soon ready to move on. The orphanage director treated us to a nice lunch, and then we started the long ride back to Guangzhou.

I should mention that about 2/3 of the way back the headlights went out on the bus, so the driver kept going, on the highway, in the pitch black dark, and we were all scared to death. Keri started singing "Jesus, Take the Wheel" to lighten the mood and after some prayer and nail biting we arrived safely back at the hotel. I was gonna do room service at that point, since we were so tired and it was around 8:00 p.m., but we found out a room service hamburger was $30, so I opted for McDonald's instead.

The orphanage visit did shed some light on Zoey on the behavioral side. Honestly, though, we will have to wait until we get home to get her on a regular schedule and begin addressing her needs in earnest. The visit was really just a puzzle piece for us, and hopefully God will show us how this fits in her personality and behavior as we get a few months down the road.

Zoey is really a sweetheart. We love her smile and her laugh. She readily reaches for Keri and has begun repeating English words when we read to her. When she goes bathroom she says "bye bye" to her poop as it goes down the toilet. Keri has pulled out some matching outfits, which Eden just loves, and we've gotten lots of great pictures.

Today (Saturday) is more paperwork and finalizing matters before Monday's U.S. Consulate appointment. Just a few days left now before we hit the airport for home. Keri and I are both ready to be back in the States. We continue to ask for your prayers for us for safe travel, for Zoey's bonding and for God to be honored through our actions and speech here on the other side of the world.

Day 2 & 3 with Zoey

It's mommy here...enjoying some much-needed down time after a morning of sight-seeing, a great lunch with our travel group, and a long nap!  Gene did a great job filling you in on the details of our day yesterday.  We saw more of the same laid-back, complacent Zoey Faith - a 180 degree difference from Eden's medical appointment with her adoption.  She screamed when they weighed her...Zoey just went with the flow - not a wimper or a flinch.  After the visa medical appointment we went and had a family picture taken for the adoption decree...I think.  All the paperwork runs together - and Gene has been appointed the "paperwork person" while in China.

Zoey is doing great...small progress each day.  It's amazing what 24 hours of family living does for her.  The first night I tried to read "Goodnight Moon" and snuggle her right before putting her in bed and she literally didn't even know how to be read to.  She kept yanking the book, furiously flipping through the pages...much like a baby would instead of a 3 1/2 year old.  Snuggling is definitely a new concept and when I tried to lay her back in my arms she looked everywhere but me - zero eye contact.  I followed the exact same routine last night and this time, she was much calmer and sat still during the book.  When I laid her back to "rock" her she made some eye contact and relaxed into my arms.  It filled my heart with hope and joy to see her enjoying my affection, even though she has no idea yet how to return it.

I can't wait for everyone to meet her (even though it will be a while).  Adorable doesn't begin to describe her.  She is sweet and has a smile that lights up the room.  She has a little prance/swagger when she walks that is so cute!  Part of it I'm sure is her physical delays because she walks on her toes and kind of arches her back and leans her head back...but it is cute!  I call it the Zoey swagger.  She is not verbal yet...except at night she whispers to herself in bed while she "rocks" herself to sleep.  She is repeating a few words back but not much.

Today we went to the Guangzhou Botanical Gardens and she loved feeding the fish.  My favorite part was the "Sun House" where they grew orchids...beautiful!  The rose garden was also lovely.  Tomorrow we will head to MaoMing City to visit the orphanage.  I cannot wait to see where Zoey spent her first 3 1/2 years.  We should meet her foster mother as well and I'm looking forward to meeting her and hopefully learning more about Zoey from her.  It is a long drive...so we will leave at 6:30 a.m. and not return until tomorrow night.  Thankfully, all 4 MaoMing families from our group are going so we are taking the big bus with reclining seats!  The kids will get to eat at the orphanage and we will get to see how they used to sit and eat their meals.  It will be interesting to see how Zoey reacts.  I'm not expecting much emotion from her but you never know...she might surprise us.

We dressed the girls alike today in the cute leopard-print outfits my Aunt Ginger bought them in OK.  They turned heads everywhere we went and we got some great pictures in the Gardens.  I love them both and am so proud to be their mommy.  My sweet Eden amazes me and seems to grow more lovely and mature each day.  She is an amazing big sister and is so delighted that Zoey is now beginning to let her help her.  My mind cannot fathom what my Zoey has endured.  While I have no reason to believe she was ever mistreated physically...the lack of having a mommy has taken an incredible toll on her...especially with her laid-back personality and developmental delays.  These 2 factors combined with orphanage living created a perfect storm in her little life.  I am, however, grateful for the great care she received by orphanage standards. 

I am so thankful that God, in His great wisdom and grace, placed her in our family.  Being her mommy will stretch and grow me in ways that parenting Eden haven't because they are so different.  There is NO way I can give them both what they need apart from His guiding Spirit and grace, energy, love and endurance.  I feel nervous for what lies ahead.  But I also am reminded of God's answer to the Apostle Paul's pleas for an easier life: "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness."  Paul then said, "Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me."

Over the past several weeks, I have been reading the book "Anything" by Jennie Allen.  A few days before we left for China I read a portion that God has seared into my heart and mind.  I believe it was Him preparing me for what He has called me to do in this season...so I will leave you with her words:

"When you turn your life over to a living God who sees need, who loves desperately, the way He chooses to pour you out will be as unique as the way He formed you in the womb and placed you in your space on the earth.  Some of our anythings feel flashy and fancy, but most of our anythings fall in secret places.

What we once did in order to matter or to bee seen we forgot all about.  We matter and are seen because of love.  Because there is an object to our actions, we move and love and restore not to matter but because we have been moved, loved, and restored.  Radical acts are not the goal; we are truly moved by a Person, in love with Him, with Christ.  And out of that love comes a willingness to trust and hand over our lives.  Out of that, Jesus, because He is merciful, leads us to the unique places where we can give our lives away."

God's priorities are beautiful, and they trickle down into invisible spaces...into neighborhoods and families and friends and strangers.  He will call us to pour our lives into the cracks around us, and sometimes into cracks far from our doorsteps.  But wherever He calls us, we pour, not wishing for a larger crack or a more noticeable one, or even the one we were expecting.  Truly knowing our beautiful and terrifying God will make us willing to do anything."

From Atlanta, GA to Guangdong China - my anything in this season is a little girl who is orphaned no more.  In the coming months I will pour my life into hers with fierce love and determination, stopping at nothing to see her healed and made whole by her Creator.  God is teaching and changing me through her life...and I am humbled.  Loving and serving Christ, my husband, and my 2 girls fills my heart with joy and love.  It isn't a fancy life...but it is wonderfully fulfilling if I remember for Whose sake I do it.

Love you all...please pray for tomorrow to be all that Zoey needs it to be in order to begin to heal and attach to us!

Day One with Zoey

Hello friends...this is Keri posting.  Zoey is napping and Eden is at the pool with Daddy so I have a few moments to try and collect my thoughts on becoming a family of four.  First and foremost, we are grateful...grateful to be here, at this place, at this time.  The Lord performed a miracle getting us here.  My sweet husband worked tirelessly for 2 years to get to this little girl.  Many of you gave sacrificially and prayed for us...and here we are.  The adoption became official this morning when we returned to the Civil affairs office...but let me back up and give you details of yesterday from mama's perspective...

We got up and had our paperwork meeting with Rebecca (our Lifeline person here).  She was AWESOME!  She did a great job of managing our expectations and she even knew some of our kiddos because of Lifeline's partnership with MaoMing.  She actually warned me that Zoey would not like me, or anyone for that matter, because she doesn't do well with strangers.  Part of our paperwork meeting was having the schedule and information about our children that the orphanage sent translated so that we would know what questions we had when we met the orphanage director later on.  Miko (another Lifeline worker who lives here) sat and translated for me.  We found out Zoey's daily schedule, food she eats, bathroom and sleeping routines, and some information about her development and personality.  She was described as delayed, which we knew.  She was described as peaceful and quiet, slow to react, language delayed and cognitively delayed as well as small in size.  We knew most of this before we came.

So, after paperwork we gathered our "bag of tricks" which for us included a Tigger pez despenser (HUGE HIT), Puff snacks, water bottle, and a couple of toys.  Armed with paperwork, cameras, and butterflies in my stomach, we set off for the Civil Affairs office.  Once there, we were herded to sit and wait.  They called all MaoMing families up and started literally pulling the kids one by one out of the playroom and thrusting them at us.  It was chaotic, surreal, and somewhat funny looking back.  Zoey came out last.  I will never forget that moment as long as I live.  Gene, Eden and I were waiting and they shoved her out and she walked out grinning from ear to ear, looking around, having (I'm convinced) absolutely no idea what was going on. She was just looking all around and grinning.

I finally got her attention and took her hand and walked her over to the side so we could officially meet for the first time.  Mother and daughter, father and daughter, sister and sister, grandmother and granddaughter...finally we were on the same continent, in the same country, in the same province, in the same city, in the same room.  Her reaction was so completely different from our experience with Eden that I was taken aback.  Earlier in the day we found out what "foster care" looked like for her.  She spent her days in the orphanage, and had several other children in her foster home...so there is not the strong attachment Eden had with her foster mom.  Plus, Eden lived with one family from 3 months until we got her at 19 months, and Zoey didn't go until she was 2.

Zoey did cry a little bit yesterday, but not enough in my opinion.  She is sweet and funny, but I can tell we have a long way to go to teach her to attach to anyone.  She is cooperative and playful.  She never resists and doesn't seem scared of anything (baths, strollers, new surroundings/people, brushing teeth, changing clothes).  When we are in the hotel room she is much more engaged.  But when we leave the room she completely zones out...it may be just too much for her - or that may be how she normally is...don't know yet.  What I do know is that this little girl THRIVES with one-on-one attention.  She delights in it.  She craves it.

After we brought her back yesterday we played a little, bathed, ate, and went to bed.  She slept great...but has pretty significant repetitive rocking in her sleep.  I'm assuming it's self-soothing habits from long ago and have no idea what to do because Eden didn't do that.  She woke up happy and smiling this morning.  Ate a great breakfast and then we went back to Civil Affairs to finalize the adoption.  Hasn't cried a bit today...once again, that's not normal.  Any "normal" 3 1/2 year old would be freaking out if they were just taken away less than 24 hours ago from everything familiar.  Eden grieved so hard, and Zoey not at all so far.  So, we will just take it day by day and let the experts at the International Adoption Clinic help us when we get home. 

I'm gonna be transparent here for a minute...I'd rather her be grieving.  With Eden, her grief was so deep that I knew she was very attached to her foster mother.  What I see in Zoey - and it is WAY too early to know for sure - is a little girl who has never truly attached.  She has definitely been well cared for physically.  She has been played with and watched and fed.  I am so grateful for that.  But she is so detached...from everything.  She watches and observes us - which is good.  But I honestly think if I let her, she would sit and play by herself all day long.  When I sit in the floor with her she lights up like a Christmas tree.  When we are alone in the room she will look me in the eye and somewhat engage...but out in public she completely closes down.  Some of this could be her developmental delay...not sure yet.  I do sense (once again too early to know for sure) that there is a true delay there and not just normal orphanage delays.

Oh, and she will eat until she makes herself sick.  So we will have to work on that, too. 

Overall, we are doing wonderfully.  Eden has been incredible.  Loving, patient, kind, and helpful.  Zoey won't engage her much but definitely isn't mean to her.  I think she's more used to playing around other kids than with them, which is typical for her age.  I know it won't be long until she loves her big sister.  I'm thankful there are 2 little girls and 2 little boys Eden's age who are biological kids in our travel group so the siblings are having a great time together while mommys and daddys focus on new little ones.  As usual, my mom is selflessly serving us however we need her to.  I am so grateful for her!

That's all for now...need to get her up so she'll sleep tonight.  Thank you for your prayers.  Love you all!

Meant to Be

Keri recently spoke about our adoption at a church Bible study and I made this video at her request to show at the event.  Hard to believe it's been 3 years since we stepped off the plane from China with now-not-so-little Eden Hope.  Enjoying every minute of it!

Yes, Mommy Is Alive!

It's been a while since I posted so I wanted to take an opportunity to write while Eden is napping. First of all, thank you to everyone for your prayers and support for our family. I cannot begin to express how tangibly I have felt your prayers on the other side of the world, and here at home. God truly is BIG!!! There have already been countless times that I wanted to just throw my hands up and walk away, or sit down and throw a tantrum with Eden, but God has sustained me through your love and prayers every time. I don't even know where to start...what an amazing journey. Now that we're home with her, a new journey is beginning. I've never been a mom (to a human being) before. What an awesome responsibility.

Many times I have said, "Lord, what were you thinking?" Eden needs so much from me right now that doesn't "feel natural." She needs me to be near her when she is grieving and tantruming so that she can push me away. She reaches out, and when I reach for her she pushes me away. But she needs to know I'm there if she decides she wants me. The smallest things set her off. The other day she tripped and fell and hit her head and when I scooped her up she immediately began grieving and pulling away from me. The natural "mommy" tasks like changing diapers, feeding, rocking, comforting, and just loving and cuddling are so hard for her to accept from me right now. I have waited so long to shower her with my love and she just won't let me a lot of the time. But boy, when she does, what joy fills my heart! I knew going into this that she would not love me back for quite a while, but I had no idea how hard she would try to get me NOT to love her.

The more I love her, the harder it is for her to resist loving me. So me being loving to her, especially when she is trying to push me away, angers and frustrates her. I have wept with her as she struggles against me. Her tantrums are great times for me to release my tears as well. Can you picture it? Mommy and Eden bawling our eyes out on the kitchen floor. This is much of our relationship right now. But...for the past few days Eden has begun to notice my tears. She looks at me in a new way, as if to say, "Do you understand that I am sad? Is that why you are crying, too?" My prayer is that God will help her to understand that she is not alone in her grief. I will never understand the depths of her confusion and pain, but I do care...I care so very much. Adopting a toddler is hard...but it is wonderful. For all of you following the blog who are waiting to travel and/or adopt an older child, I want to gently speak to you on behalf of your child.

Please do not let people tell you that your love for your child will be enough for the transition that lies ahead. Let your love drive you to fall on your knees and beg God for wisdom and insight into what your child will need. Don't just pray for the paperwork to go through faster (let's face it, that's what we're thinking about 99% of the time), ask Him to prepare your heart for the unique needs of the child He is entrusting to you. He will faithfully do so. Blogs, websites, etc. are great resources, but there is only One who knows your future child inside and out. Let Him be the first place you go for answers. And let Him lead you to other resources. I only read one book before we adopted. A friend recommended it to me. It is called "Toddler Adoption" by Mary Hopkins-Best and it is an incredible resource for those of you adopting a child between the ages of 1 and 4.

I know many of you have been so encouraged reading our blog because you are in the season of waiting. I am so thankful that God has used our story to encourage you. Please let me further encourage you to use these days wisely, as God has given them to you for a reason. I KNOW the waiting is hard, and seemingly senseless...but I can honestly say on this end that God used the months and months of waiting to strengthen my faith and dependence on Him. And I honestly could not endure the times of rejection from Eden right now and love her through them if He had not worked in my heart as I waited. Cooperate with His work in your lives during this time...your cooperation will reap a harvest in your precious child's life. Please don't let my honesty scare you! The joy SO outweighs the trials and difficulties! I look at Eden everyday and think, "Two weeks ago you belonged to no one on this earth, and now you have a family." Daily I am humbled and reminded of God's great love for me, my daughter, and for all mankind.

My prayer for Eden is that God will use what she is going through now to soften her heart and strong will to His presence and His voice so that one day, she will be adopted again...into His forever family. As Gene and I walk through these days, we are keenly aware of the responsibility and privilege God has given us to give Eden a picture of His love for her. No matter how hard she pushes, how loud she screams, how mean she is, we will never leave her or forsake her. She is ours, we have sacrificed for her and chosen her and bought her with a price not because she has done anything to earn it, but because we love her, unconditionally. She is the apple of our eye and valuable beyond compare to us, no matter what. She is our child. Our prayer is that we are painting a picture for her of the unfailing love that Christ has for her. I am posting a few funny photos I have taken over the past few days. Eden is a mess, so funny and silly.

What joy she has brought into our lives. I need to go get some things done before she wakes up. No one told me how much I would look forward to Eden's naptime!! Love you all!