Waiting With Hope

We are officially on our second week of waiting on Travel Approval.  This past weekend some sweet friends came to stay with us and attend the Together for Adoption Conference that our church hosted.  I tagged along on Saturday and it was SO REFRESHING for this momma's heart.  Just that morning, I had been up early praying for sweet Zoey.  I was asking the Lord to soften my heart to her and help me to feel a deep connection to her.  You see, before we adopted Eden, I had so much free time as a homemaker without children yet to spend literally hours in uninterrupted prayer for Eden.  But now, as a homeschooling momma, wife, homemaker and freelance writer I am often doing good to have a quiet time and shower in the same day...moms everywhere are nodding their heads in agreement.  As the time gets closer to meet Zoey, fear and worry has begun to creep in...doubts and guilt when comparing how I prepared for Eden versus how I have for Zoey.  I am assured this is true in most "second child" cases, whether bio or adopted.  But it still feels yucky.

The Lord was so kind to quickly answer my prayer as I heard several "nuggets" that I know were just for me and Zoey...sweet reminders that I needed.  Hearing from the Lord renewed my hope and filled my "waiting tank"...at least for now.  I particularly enjoyed hearing from Noel Piper about things she wished she'd have known when she first became a momma; and from Tony Merida (co-author of Orphanology) about the Spirit of adoption.  Both were so encouraging!  I also got to meet the ladies at 147 million, whose blog I follow.  I also met Stephanie at Wild Olive, and got some great shirts for my girls.

So, we begin another week of waiting and trusting and praying.  One day soon my phone is gonna ring and the words "Travel Approval" are going to be spoken into my ear.  I get chills just imagining.  Once that call comes we will secure our Consulate Appointment and I will finally have travel dates to share.  As that day approaches, my prayers have shifted from process to person.  My heart has grown heavily burdened for what faces my future daughter.  My concern is not so much getting on the plane, as her heart being prepared for all that lies ahead.  I am begging the Lord to move her foster mom to show our picture daily and try to explain to her, as best she can, what is coming.  I know this shift in focus, for me, is like dilation in labor.  I sense in my gut that "labor" is beginning.  Soon I will go.  Soon she will leave.  The breaking will occur so the healing can begin.  And since I'm not physically with child, labor changes happen in the womb of my heart.  It's different, and yet very much the same, I would guess.  My groans are in prayer, and will be in grief for my child.

I am inadequate.  Yet I am indwelled by the Spirit who knows my child best.  I have only questions.  Yet I am led by the Spirit who has every answer.  Often I don't even know how to pray.  Yet my Jesus sits in heaven interceding for me and for Zoey.  I boast in these weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

And so we wait still...with hope, joy and confidence in the God who has never let us down!