The Mason Story: Final Preparations

Well, this is our last weekend in our home as a family of 3. To be honest, I have mixed emotions. While I am so excited to be bring Zoey home and into our family, I keep finding myself pausing to savor these last days with the three of us. I know Zoey will make our lives fuller and richer...but change is hard and scary. The reality of what we are about to do is setting in as we make final preparations. As I added another booster seat to our table this week, the reality of one more mouth to feed, set of dishes to wash, manners to teach, etc. set in. As I began filling her dresser drawers the added laundry became apparent. I bought a few extra towels, a toothbrush and realized that's one more bath time, teeth to brush, story to read each night. As I prepared toys for her, I realized there will be bigger messes, more clutter, less free time. As I taught Eden this week I kept thinking, "How am I going to do this with a toddler running around?" Each task I did this week I kept factoring in Zoey...

It is real. She is not just a photo but a living, breathing little person with 3 1/2 years of history that has nothing to do with me. She will come to us with preferences, opinions, fears, language, memories, relationships, and customs that we know nothing of. She is likely to be broken, scarred, what Pat Robertson called "damaged." A week from Monday, her world will forever change...and so will mine. It is not an ending, but a beginning. I have learned from experience that those first days are not indicative of all that our relationship will become. She may call me "mama"...but it will take time for me to be her "mommy." I told my neighbor today that I am not excited at all about meeting Zoey. What mother who has given birth before is excited about labor? I am excited to bring Zoey home, but meeting her scares the living daylights out of me. It's not the dreamy, lovely image that most imagine. It's not horrible, either...I would describe it as chaotic. It's later that the snuggles come...the warm feeling that floods every part of your soul...the silent prayers of thanksgiving as tears stream down...that's what I long for...that's what I hope for.

I have gotten so many questions from friends about what we are going to do to communicate and bond since Zoey is 3 1/2. My answer is always, "I have no idea. I'm gonna just go with the flow." If you know me, you just laughed out loud because I am a planner. But one thing motherhood has taught me is there is no plan. I have ideas, but they may not work. I have intentions, but I'll have to play it by ear. There is no "Baby Wise" for adopting a child this age...no formula...there are too many unknowns. I take great comfort in knowing she has been prayed for by so many. I have asked the Lord for supernatural wisdom and grace and I am trusting Him to supply it according to His perfect timing.

So, as we spend our last few days at home, enjoy these pictures of Eden and Zoey's newly decorated room. And thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your prayers and support.