Seriously? Are you kidding me? If I'm being real, this is what I thought last night when I read this verse. I literally almost laughed out loud...you know the sarcastic kind of laugh that really says, "Yeah right." Let me just lay it all out there...I stayed in my pajamas most of the day yesterday, didn't do school with my daughter (does 1 chapter of Charlotte's Web count? I thought not...), and was generally lazy and useless all day long. Why, you might ask? Because I was pouting, that's why. It was one of those days.
That afternoon I called my sister and when she answered I said - and I quote - "I'm having a pity party. Do you want to come?" I am not lying or exaggerating. Now, I figured it's only fair, well with all my godly posts about God's perfect timing, the beautiful journey of adoption, etc. etc. to share my bad day, too. Now hear me, I am not proud of my attitude, nor do I recommend such childish behavior...but this is where I was...more accurately, this is where I chose to be.
And you know what? It didn't help one bit. I "grumbled and questioned" to everyone who would listen, all the while setting a horrible example for my daughter, just because I felt like it. I was tired of choosing joy...choosing faith. I have been doing that and the paperwork isn't going any quicker...adoption isn't any easier...life isn't any easier...so I gave up. I. Am. Over. This. Waiting.
"Keri, because of My great love, you are not consumed. My compassions never fail. My mercies are new every morning. Great is My faithfulness!"
His compassions never fail...even when I act like a brat and throw a tantrum. He is faithful even when I choose to pull the covers of life over my head and squander the gift of time with worry and an ungrateful attitude. His patience never ceases to amaze me.
So, today I chose differently. Today I persevered through the mental and emotional weariness, the lingering questions and nagging "what ifs" of this adoption journey. Today I cherished the time teaching my daughter. We read about Isaac's birth and worked on memorizing Psalm 1:1-2. We read a missionary story about a couple who was nearly murdered for their faith in the Congo. My heart soared when, at the end of the story, Eden's almond-shaped eyes got wide as she said, "Wow mommy, God really rescued them!" I savored the prayers we prayed for Hindus. During history we read about how different people groups/cultures dress; and we had a wonderful conversation about how our clothing says something about us and our family's standards for what we wear. I ironed, cooked a good dinner, carpooled to gymnastics, and cleaned out the fridge. I got soaking wet in a downpour on the way out of Kroger and got mad at our dog when she escaped and ran across the street.
Today was so different from yesterday...and yet not that different at all. Nothing happened today that didn't happen yesterday...no great news from China. God was just as sufficient yesterday as He is today. The only difference was me...my choice. I told my husband last night when I was going to bed, "Don't worry honey, I'm gonna get up on the other side of the bed in the morning." By the end of the day yesterday I was MORE miserable than when the day started. In the moment I must admit it felt good to give in to my feelings...but not for long.
I don't know why I'm sharing all of this...maybe just to be real and say, "Yes, I have bad days," and to say how thankful I am that they don't have to turn into bad weeks, or months or years. I can stumble and not fall. Because God's mercies are brand new every morning! So, I am choosing to cling to the truth that God loves Zoey much more than I do. He has brought us this far, and He will get us to that little angel girl...and in the meantime, I might as well choose joy. Just think what I would have missed today if I hadn't! And soon, these 2 will be sisters forever!
2 comments:
that was great. thanks for sharing! i definitely loved the part about how the 2 days were really the same - just an attitude change. i need to hear that for my "bad" days!!!! thank you!
I loved it. I love that you were real. We do all stumble. And we are so fortunate that we serve such an amazing God that His mercies are new each day. I refuse to have a "bad" day today. Thank you. You have no idea how I needed to hear this today. I am so excited for you guys to be united with precious Zoey.
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