For Zoey...

Photo Taken June 1, 2012

My sweet Zoey Faith:
Today, I received new pictures of you.  They literally took my breath away.  I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry.  I am happy to see you smiling, playing, and growing well.  But my heart breaks that I am missing these moments that I can never get back.  Someone else saw you roll over the first time, take your first steps, say your first words...and I missed it all.  While all these "firsts" were happening in China, you did have a family here in the USA that was longing to meet you.  And now that I have your face...your story, it defines this longing in my heart that has been there for a child that only God knew for several years now.

We began the adoption process again about 3 years ago...and it was our plan to adopt a child from Africa.  But God closed the door to that plan...and a year later we switched our application for China.  See?  God was preparing us for you, little one.  When there was no one else, He heard your every cry...and I don't just mean your physical cries.  I mean the deep cry of your heart to be wanted and loved and cherished.  Your Creator knew you when I didn't.  And He has held you while I cannot.  I trust that His Spirit has soothed you and His angels have guarded you.

And now?  In His perfect plan He has given me the most incredible gift.  I get to be your mommy.  In a few months, He will place you in my arms.  Oh, it will be an orphanage nanny who will hand you to me...but I know from Whom you come.  Finally, I will get to rub my cheek against yours, look into your eyes and tell you that you belong...you are chosen and loved and treasured.  I realize that you may not like me at first...and that's okay, baby.  You probably don't even understand what a family is by God's design. I want you to know that I respect the love you have for those who have cared for you for your first 3 1/2 years.  I promise not to get jealous or mad when you miss them and grieve for them.  You do not have to hide these feelings from me.  I want to help you through the ocean of sadness, fear and confusion that lies ahead.  I pray it is easy for you.  But if it isn't...I am here...no matter what.

It will take both of us time to learn how to love one another.  This won't happen instantly.  I have no idea what our first days, weeks and months together will be like.  But I know that I cannot wait to meet you.  And honey, I will fail you.  As much as I'll try not to...I will.  Thankfully, I serve a God who forgives me and redeems even my mistakes for your good and His glory.  He will be faithful to you when I mess up.  And the best thing I can do for you is to point you to Him.

And Zoey...we are going to have so much fun, baby!  There are so many firsts that I will get to do with you.  We can't wait to take you to the zoo...we have pandas from China right here in Atlanta!  We also have an awesome aquarium...your sister likes to crawl in the penguin tunnel.  We have a pool in our neighborhood where I will teach you to swim.  The kids in the neighborhood can't wait to play with you...and we saved Eden's small princess bike just for you.  I can't wait to take you to the beach, and your daddy is already talking about a trip to Disney World, where you can meet all the princesses!

You know where we'll have the most fun?  At home.  Home, baby.  We like to have family nights when we play games, watch movies, pop popcorn, and just giggle and snuggle.  There is one empty chair at our table reserved just for you.  I know you like to be read to...and we have shelves of books you will love.  I can't wait to see what else you like to do!

Zoey, we chose your name because it means "life."  We long to share our lives with you.  People often tell us, "You are giving her such a better life."  But baby, from our perspective it's the other way around.  I have no doubt that there will be struggles and challenges, but I know that your life will bring such joy to our family.  We cannot wait to meet you.  And above all else, please know that you are so very, very loved.

On Christ's Behalf,
Mommy

Zoey at 3 years, 3 months old