A Heavy Day

Today has been a hard day emotionally. Emme Grace's funeral was today. It was indeed a celebration of her life, and of God's grace - but so hard just the same. Her family's faith and choice to glorify our precious Lord amidst their indescribable suffering challenged and convicted me. My heart is heavy and yet full this evening. It's hard to describe the mix of emotions resulting from this little girl's sudden death.

On Monday night, I walked into Eden's room to find she and Gene sleeping in her rocking chair. I quickly made a mad dash for the camera, as it was such a precious scene to behold. Daddy and daughter resting all snuggled up. I think one of the reasons I have been so deeply affected by Emme Grace's death (I only met her 2 times) is because for the first time in my life, I could imagine it being my child. You know how when you hear of a tragedy like this you say, "I can't even imagine..." Well, today I could imagine.

Emme Grace's daddy read a letter written by him and his wife that told Emme's life story. Born in China, abandoned by birth mother for unknown reasons, taken to an orphanage, having surgery in China, 2 years of paperwork delays and waiting, God leading them to her, the first time they saw her photo, traveling across the world to bring her home, their fear she wouldn't bond to them, seeing her transform like a butterfly learning to love and trust them, being mommy to her dolls, warm hugs and sweet kisses, having to have her shoes lined up in a neat row, and her favorite song, "Jesus Loves Me." He really could have been describing my Eden.

Now please hear me, I know this is SO not about me. My heart aches for this precious family. And yet my mind keeps wandering to the "what ifs" and the reality that my child belongs to God. He created her, He literally handed her to us in the swealtering hot China sun on a July day that I remember every detail of...she is His. We are His. He is in charge. His ways are higher and wiser and beyond what I can comprehend. And He is good...always.

I know all of these things, but this week I have wrestled with these truths to the core of my soul. Somewhere along the way God reminded me of something. Way back when I was waiting and praying for Eden, I remember knowing so clearly that this adoption was not just about us getting a child...it was mostly about a little orphan girl in China getting a family.

That's what I walked away from the funeral reminded of and certain of today. Amidst the tragedy and grief is God's infinite grace broadcasted in the life of little Emme. Our natural inclination as humans is to wonder why God would bring the Forbes a child He knew would die in 11 short months. Why put them through that when there are so many "healthy" orphans waiting on adoption? Why, Lord? I think it's because God doesn't see any child as "more fit" or "more suitable" for His grace than another. Every life He creates is equally valuable and precious to Him. In His wisdom He saw Emme as worth all of the money, time and sacrifice her family paid, even though He would call her to Himself less than a year after He placed her in their arms. He made sure that one of the neediest spent her last days on earth surrounded by the love her heart had longed for and needed. He led a family to her that would pray for her, teach her about Him, and when the end of her life drew near sing hymns of praise to Him around her hospital bed. Oh what grace He lavished on this little girl, and on the family who had the privilege of being His hands and feet in her life.

So while I have no answers as to why God chooses to act in the way He does sometimes, I am learning to be content to trust in what I do know. He is good and His love endures forever. And I am reminded that none of us are guaranteed another day with those we love. When I think of the time, energy and resources I waste on temporary, frivolous things anger wells up in me. What am I doing?? And so my resolve is stronger to pour my life into my family, friends, and those who need whatever God has chosen to bless me with...talents, resources, whatever. Life is short and it is meant to be lived for Christ's glory, abundantly, freely and fully.

And to celebrate the joy God has granted in my life, I leave you with a photo of my sweet Eden. Thursday morning I was dropping her off at MDO and I turned around to this site. I am grateful today more than ever for the personality God gave her, and the joy and laughter He gives daily through her. Yes, she is my child, but she is also many times my teacher, reminding me of what really matters. Please continue to pray for Lauren and French Forbes and their 2 sons. The coming days will be so hard. Love you all!