Jaw-Dropping Moment

Sorry I don't have any photos to post...I still haven't sat down to do the slideshow. But, I had to do a quick post about something that happened Thursday that literally made my jaw drop. For those of you who know Eden, she is quite the verbal, insightful, and sometimes bossy little 2 1/2-year-old...kind of like her mommy :0) Anyway, last Sunday they had to come get me out of our worship service because she wouldn't stop crying. This is the first time in a year that this has happened. They said she just sat in a rocking chair and refused to move because she was, "waiting for mommy."

The workers in our church nursery have walked this journey with us and are sensitive to Eden's attachment issues and the process of bonding that our family has been through. As soon as I got her, she was fine. Well, this past Thursday my friend was over to visit and I was telling her what happened. She said to Eden, "Eden, why were you crying? Were you afraid mommy wasn't coming back?" And Eden said, "Yes." Then my friend said, "That's silly, you know mommy always comes back." And then Eden said, clear as day, "My China mommy didn't come back." My friend and I just sat there for a minute, stunned and jaws open.

We talk a lot about Eden's foster mom when we look at photos and watch China video. It was apparent 5 minutes after they placed Eden in my arms that she had a healthy attachment to the foster mom who cared for her for the 15 months before we adopted her. But I have never said those words to her and she has never said them to me. We always just acknowledge who she is in photos and I tell her how much mommy loves her and how grateful we are for her, and how much she loved Eden.

I was shocked when she acknowledged verbally that fear that I know lives way down deep in any child's heart who has been taken away from someone they loved so much, and then learned to love another mommy and daddy. I explained to her that her foster mom didn't really "leave" her, it was time for her to come home forever. God sent her foster mom to take care of her until mommy and ba-ba could come bring her home. And when we came, God sent her foster mom to care for another baby while they waited for their mommy. I told her that her foster mom would always love her. Then Eden looked at me and said, very matter-of-factly, "Mommy came to China to get me." I said, "yes, baby." Then she got up and started playing.

I've read and heard so much about these subconscious memories and fears, and I've even seen evidence of it in Eden's behavior over the past year. But I honestly never thought that a child adopted at 19 months would be able to verbalize so well a year later. I know every child is different and there's no "right or wrong" way to handle these issues. I've chosen to speak very openly about her adoption as a blessing. I'm so glad now that the Lord led us to parent her this way. We often look at China travel books, photos of our trip, pray for her foster mom and other orphans, and she LOVES to watch the DVD, and seems aware of the sadness she felt on Gotcha Day.

I just had to share this because it so profoundly impacted me. The thing is, she wasn't grieved or upset...it was so simple and factual the way she said it. Reading between the lines it was like she was saying, "Well, I know mommy always comes back, but my China mommy didn't so sometimes I still get scared....bare with me people."

Anyway, our Gotcha Day is next Wednesday, July 23rd and I fully expect to cry all day long. I can't believe it's been a year. I can't believe this child is home and thriving. I feel so humbled to be her mommy. I'll post photos and video soon...I PROMISE!