Silent Night?

This photo is so precious! Last Sunday, Eden took a two-hour nap on her Ba-Ba (daddy's) chest. I think it's important that we adoptive mom's share both the joys and the struggles of international adoption (especially of a toddler) for the benefit of those who are in the process of adopting. This is not meant to scare anyone off, but it's great to be prepared and aware of possible issues so you won't think you're doing something wrong if your child starts flipping out (that's the non-technical term).

Eden is attaching so well, please hear that. But about 3 weeks ago, she starting "flipping out" at bedtime. For 4 months (with the exception of a few nights right after her ear tube surgery) Eden has slept through the night in her own room/bed. Not anymore. She is going through a difficult phase of having to know where we are at ALL times, including nights. After 2 weeks of having countless people tell me to let her "cry it out" I finally called the International Adoption Clinic to see what Leigh Ann had to say. The technical term for her "flip out" is "hyper vigilance." It means she needs to know where we are and be with us all the time. This stems from her fear of us going away.

As this sweet photo shows, she won't even nap alone. We "fought" hard to keep her in her bed and finally put the pack-n-play in our bedroom and she now sleeps peacefully again. We are praying this is a temporary fear for her. It's really pitiful. Throughout the day she will come and say, "Mommy's bed?" as a way of asking where she will have to sleep that night. She'll do this at 10:00 in the morning. She's worried about it all day long.

I'm beginning to see a pattern in Eden that any type of change is hard for her security, and this manifests in her sleep pattern. She went though similar issues (but much less severe) right when we arrived home, when we started leaving her in the church nursery, and after her surgery. This time, it seems to have been triggered by letting the babysitter (my sister who Eden ADORES) attempt to put her to bed when Gene and I went to a party for a friend. The structure and schedule of daily life has obviously helped her tremendously with this transition. So anytime we "try something new" she becomes panic-stricken. I think the feeling of change triggers the unimaginable change she experienced when she was taken from her foster family when we adopted her.

The great thing is, this "scar" of change and fear is not hindering her from absolutely falling in love with Gene, me and our extended family. She is such a "Mason" and visibly enjoys her new life here. There is no doubt God planned for her to be our child. In fact, she is doing so well that the Lord seems to remind me every now and then not to expect too much from her when she gives these "signals" like the sleep issues. Prayerfully and carefully, we will transition her back to her bed after the holidays if she hasn't moved back herself by then. Mommy may be sleeping on the floor for a while, holding her hand through the crib. But that's okay with me. As Leigh Ann reminded me, "whatever it takes for her to feel safe."

The upside of "hyper vigilance???" Eden runs to me seriously about 10 times a day and says, "Mommy, hold you?" I have learned to drop whatever I am doing and hold her for as long as she needs me to, which sometimes is up to 10 minutes. And it's not just any old holding, its the cling-on-for-dear-life, bury-my-head-in-your-neck holding that every mommy dreams of. Ahhh, what blessings!

What a privilege to be the ones God is using to heal this baby's broken heart! I know all of you adoptive moms feel the same way! Love you all.