A Christmas Prayer

Merry Christmas everyone! I am about to head off to bed and I have so much on my mind. I am so humbled and thankful for my precious daughter who will experience her first Christmas tomorrow. At the same time, I am so keenly aware of the millions of children who have not yet been adopted, and many who never will be, who are spending this Christmas in orphanages, foster homes, hospitals, and even on the streets. I am keenly aware of the birth mothers who may be faced this very night with the heart-wrenching decision to give up their babies. After all, that's how Eden started her journey to our home.

Most of all, I am comforted by the truth that God knows each of these little ones by name. He holds their future in His sovereign, loving hands. He numbered their days and appointed where each would grow up before they were born. He is the Father of the fatherless. I praise Him because He has allowed me to live this truth this year as He guided, protected, and brought Eden home to us.

I praise Him because He, too, was a helpless infant, dependent on the care of a teenage mother. He was born poor, with little to His name. He can sympathize with our weaknesses because He has been tested in every way and yet didn't sin. Tomorrow we celebrate that God came to live among us. He was born to die, and rise again. He is our living hope, and the hope of orphans all over the world. Because of Him, they will never be forgotten.

I love this photo of Eden. We received this ornament last Christmas and it has children of all different nationalities joining hands around the earth. Eden was playing with it and a friend snapped this photo without us realizing that the Chinese girl on the ornament was facing the camera. It gave me goose bumps when I saw it.

This Christmas, take a few moments to pray for the children who will not have a mommy and a daddy this Christmas. They will likely have no presents, no big meal, and no mention of Jesus Christ...and He is their hope. Let's remember them. Because God has not forgotten them.

Have a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Silent Night?

This photo is so precious! Last Sunday, Eden took a two-hour nap on her Ba-Ba (daddy's) chest. I think it's important that we adoptive mom's share both the joys and the struggles of international adoption (especially of a toddler) for the benefit of those who are in the process of adopting. This is not meant to scare anyone off, but it's great to be prepared and aware of possible issues so you won't think you're doing something wrong if your child starts flipping out (that's the non-technical term).

Eden is attaching so well, please hear that. But about 3 weeks ago, she starting "flipping out" at bedtime. For 4 months (with the exception of a few nights right after her ear tube surgery) Eden has slept through the night in her own room/bed. Not anymore. She is going through a difficult phase of having to know where we are at ALL times, including nights. After 2 weeks of having countless people tell me to let her "cry it out" I finally called the International Adoption Clinic to see what Leigh Ann had to say. The technical term for her "flip out" is "hyper vigilance." It means she needs to know where we are and be with us all the time. This stems from her fear of us going away.

As this sweet photo shows, she won't even nap alone. We "fought" hard to keep her in her bed and finally put the pack-n-play in our bedroom and she now sleeps peacefully again. We are praying this is a temporary fear for her. It's really pitiful. Throughout the day she will come and say, "Mommy's bed?" as a way of asking where she will have to sleep that night. She'll do this at 10:00 in the morning. She's worried about it all day long.

I'm beginning to see a pattern in Eden that any type of change is hard for her security, and this manifests in her sleep pattern. She went though similar issues (but much less severe) right when we arrived home, when we started leaving her in the church nursery, and after her surgery. This time, it seems to have been triggered by letting the babysitter (my sister who Eden ADORES) attempt to put her to bed when Gene and I went to a party for a friend. The structure and schedule of daily life has obviously helped her tremendously with this transition. So anytime we "try something new" she becomes panic-stricken. I think the feeling of change triggers the unimaginable change she experienced when she was taken from her foster family when we adopted her.

The great thing is, this "scar" of change and fear is not hindering her from absolutely falling in love with Gene, me and our extended family. She is such a "Mason" and visibly enjoys her new life here. There is no doubt God planned for her to be our child. In fact, she is doing so well that the Lord seems to remind me every now and then not to expect too much from her when she gives these "signals" like the sleep issues. Prayerfully and carefully, we will transition her back to her bed after the holidays if she hasn't moved back herself by then. Mommy may be sleeping on the floor for a while, holding her hand through the crib. But that's okay with me. As Leigh Ann reminded me, "whatever it takes for her to feel safe."

The upside of "hyper vigilance???" Eden runs to me seriously about 10 times a day and says, "Mommy, hold you?" I have learned to drop whatever I am doing and hold her for as long as she needs me to, which sometimes is up to 10 minutes. And it's not just any old holding, its the cling-on-for-dear-life, bury-my-head-in-your-neck holding that every mommy dreams of. Ahhh, what blessings!

What a privilege to be the ones God is using to heal this baby's broken heart! I know all of you adoptive moms feel the same way! Love you all.

The Word Became Flesh

How do you even do it? How do you even begin to try and put into words the depth of God's love and grace during this season? I cry every day. This is not my first Christmas as a believer - but this year everything seems so...real. John chapter 1 says, "The Word became flesh and dwelt among us." God as a newborn, then a toddler, then a teenager, then a crucified and risen Savior. God with us. Emmanuel. Wow! There are no words. As I contemplate the birth of Christ with a toddler in my home it brings this reality alive in my mind and in my heart. When Eden does something silly, or needs a diaper change, or tee-tees in the potty like a big girl, or asks to be held and cuddled I think, "Jesus did these things." How humbling!

For 2 years we "looked forward to" meeting our daughter in the flesh. She was alive in our minds and in our hearts...but she wasn't here with us. We hoped and we waited and we dreamed and we imagined. We prayed and we prepared and we wept and we believed. We watched the mailbox waiting for I-171's and passports and visa's. And then one day, July 23, 2007, Eden "became" flesh to us and dwelt among us. She came to live with us. She became real to us. What a miracle!

I can't help but see the parallel in this adoption process. And I can't help but think how many thousands of people are going through all the motions of the Christmas holiday, but Christ isn't real to them. He is just a story, a Christmas carol, an idea, an excuse to be off work and exchange gifts...but not their Lord, Savior and friend. Not their rock, refuge and strength.

You might be thinking, "Keri, you are way over-thinking this!" Maybe so. I have been quite contemplative with things that I used to just "gloss over" now that I'm a mommy. You see, Eden mimics me...in every way. When I yell, "GO!" in traffic, she yells it, too. She sits in the bathroom and pretends to put creams on her face and contact lenses in her eyes. She tries to repeat what I say. When I hug Gene, she hugs Gene. When I kiss him, she follows suit. When I tell him "I love you" so does she. She is like a dry sponge soaking everything in.

So, what about Christmas? What attitudes, traditions and values am I pouring into her? She is so teachable right now. So eager to please and to learn. These are precious days with her. So this year, we're talking A LOT more about Baby Jesus than about Santa. Why? Because I want Christ to be real to her. He is so very real to us.

I hope as you celebrate this season He is real to you. I hope you are able to take time to worship Him with your family. And if you are struggling right now and feel sad, lonely, or forgotten, I pray He will give you the grace to look past your circumstances and see how much He loves you. So much so that He gave up a throne to enter a womb, and a world that rejected Him. He is real, and He loves you.

Merry Christmas!

One Year Ago Today

It is 10:45 p.m. and I am in tears. I just realized looking back in my prayer journal that we matched with Eden one year ago today - December 14, 2006. When I realized this I turned and looked at my daughter sleeping in her pack-and-play in the living room (we're having separation issues at bedtime). She is now home safe and sound with her mommy and daddy. God has brought all 3 of us so incredibly far! He is so good! One year ago exactly I laid eyes on this precious angel for the first time. I am overwhelmed and humbled and indescribably grateful.

In honor of the one-year anniversary, here is an excerpt from my journal, written Dec. 15, 2006 - the day after we first saw her photo.

"When I first laid eyes on her places in my heart came alive that I didn't even know existed. Tears began to fall and I just kept saying to Gene over and over, 'Oh honey she's so beautiful!' The weird thing is the connection I felt with her before I ever knew who she was. Then when I saw her photo, her eyes drew me in. I've always heard 'the eyes are the window of the soul.' When I looked into her eyes I felt that same connection that I had been feeling in my heart for the past year. I can't really explain it except to say I sensed an underlying sadness and longing in her eyes that mirrors what I feel in my heart. Part of each of us won't be whole until we become a family because I believe God created her for our family. We both feel so sure about adopting her. We are going to meet with Karla about the next step tomorrow."

And now, one year later, she is home sleeping soundly. God's timing is perfect - even when it seems to be taking FOREVER. I've posted a photo taken in China last December and one from last week.

Hope you are all having a great Christmas season!

Family Photos

Hey everyone! We had some photos done a couple of weeks ago by Jason Wallis, an amazing photographer who attends church with us. He put together a slide show of his favorites from the shoot online and I thought you might want to see them. To view the slide show, go to www.walliskids.com/mason. The photos were taken at his studio loft in downtown Birmingham. We took some of Eden's favorite things with us because we really wanted to capture her personality at this age more than we wanted posed pictures of her. He did just that. I HIGHLY recommend Jason. He is worth the time and money!! Hope you enjoy.

Home? God?

Okay I admit it...I'm a blogging slacker! Sorry everyone. Time is flying by it seems like. Before I get down to business, let me explain the photos I posted. The pink coat and hat were hand-made for Eden by my step-grandmother, Mema, in Key West, FL. Doesn't she look precious in them on the way to church? A few weeks ago my friend Heather and I tag-teamed on a babysitter so Eden and Caleb Platt got some play time. The photo of them "chilling out" in the recliner is hilarious! They LOVE to spend time together and run to greet and hug one another when they see each other. In another photo you will see that Eden thought SHE needed to be decorated along with the Christmas tree with beaded garland. And finally, there is a picture of Eden going "night-night" (her favorite game) with her "sister" Maggie in the dog bed.

The title of this post may seem a little odd. It is based on my 2 current favorite things Eden says. The first is the question, "Mommy, home?" I'm not kidding when I say she asks this every 5-10 minutes that we are away from our house. She LOVES being at home. When we turn on our street or pull in the driveway she will squeal with delight and say, "HOME!!" She started doing this a few weeks ago. It warms my heart to think that she understands that she has a home of her own.

The second is, "Mommy, God?" A few weeks after we returned home from China we had a pre-fall cool day. Eden and I were out in the backyard, and a breeze blew her face and hair. She looked at me like, "What was that?" It seriously seemed like she had never felt a gentle breeze before. And based on the extreme heat we experienced in her city, and the harsh winters I've heard are in Wuhan, I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't feel breezes. Plus, with all of the tall buildings around the orphanage it would be hard to feel a breeze if there was one.

Anyway, when she looked at me with that questioning gaze I said, "Baby, that's the wind. God is blowing the wind. He is assuring us that He is real and is here and is in control." Well, that was a very theological answer, but I don't think I really took to heart what I told her. The reason I said that is because the next time the wind blew a week or so later she said, "Mommy...God?" My eyes welled up with tears and I said, "Yes baby, it's God." Now, every time (I do mean every) she feels the wind or sees it raining she says, "Mommy...God?"

How humbled I am each time she does this. And how reminded I am of the omnipresence of our God. I told her that off the cuff. And she remembers it every time she feels the gentle breeze. What if we were all like that? What if we were so "in the moments" of our lives that we sensed God in every small detail? What if we recognized His presence in our surroundings? How different our lives would be! How much more content, and more grateful we would be. This is what God is teaching me through my baby daughter.

Eden is doing really well. Her attachment is progressing...and so is her "toddler" behavior. We have really started having to discipline her a lot more over the past month. As she is growing more secure in our love and acceptance of her, she is "letting her hair down" and acting like a stinker! What a challenge to discipline in love! I get so frustrated. She is a sweet girl though and incredibly obedient for an almost-two-year-old.

There is so much more I could say but I'm going to save some so I can post more often and this won't be too long. Life with this child blows my mind. This time last year, we were about a week away from seeing her picture for the first time. And now she is home. God is so good! I remember thinking it was taking FOREVER to process all of the paperwork. Now that's such a blip on the radar and a distant memory I rarely think about. Who cares how long it took? I would do it again 100 times. There is no doubt this little girl was chosen by God for our family.

Thank you all for loving her and encouraging us. You are each a blessing! Enjoy the Christmas season. And next time the wind blows, remember...that's God reminding you He is there, and He is in control. God bless you!