Day 2 & 3 with Zoey

It's mommy here...enjoying some much-needed down time after a morning of sight-seeing, a great lunch with our travel group, and a long nap!  Gene did a great job filling you in on the details of our day yesterday.  We saw more of the same laid-back, complacent Zoey Faith - a 180 degree difference from Eden's medical appointment with her adoption.  She screamed when they weighed her...Zoey just went with the flow - not a wimper or a flinch.  After the visa medical appointment we went and had a family picture taken for the adoption decree...I think.  All the paperwork runs together - and Gene has been appointed the "paperwork person" while in China.

Zoey is doing great...small progress each day.  It's amazing what 24 hours of family living does for her.  The first night I tried to read "Goodnight Moon" and snuggle her right before putting her in bed and she literally didn't even know how to be read to.  She kept yanking the book, furiously flipping through the pages...much like a baby would instead of a 3 1/2 year old.  Snuggling is definitely a new concept and when I tried to lay her back in my arms she looked everywhere but me - zero eye contact.  I followed the exact same routine last night and this time, she was much calmer and sat still during the book.  When I laid her back to "rock" her she made some eye contact and relaxed into my arms.  It filled my heart with hope and joy to see her enjoying my affection, even though she has no idea yet how to return it.

I can't wait for everyone to meet her (even though it will be a while).  Adorable doesn't begin to describe her.  She is sweet and has a smile that lights up the room.  She has a little prance/swagger when she walks that is so cute!  Part of it I'm sure is her physical delays because she walks on her toes and kind of arches her back and leans her head back...but it is cute!  I call it the Zoey swagger.  She is not verbal yet...except at night she whispers to herself in bed while she "rocks" herself to sleep.  She is repeating a few words back but not much.

Today we went to the Guangzhou Botanical Gardens and she loved feeding the fish.  My favorite part was the "Sun House" where they grew orchids...beautiful!  The rose garden was also lovely.  Tomorrow we will head to MaoMing City to visit the orphanage.  I cannot wait to see where Zoey spent her first 3 1/2 years.  We should meet her foster mother as well and I'm looking forward to meeting her and hopefully learning more about Zoey from her.  It is a long drive...so we will leave at 6:30 a.m. and not return until tomorrow night.  Thankfully, all 4 MaoMing families from our group are going so we are taking the big bus with reclining seats!  The kids will get to eat at the orphanage and we will get to see how they used to sit and eat their meals.  It will be interesting to see how Zoey reacts.  I'm not expecting much emotion from her but you never know...she might surprise us.

We dressed the girls alike today in the cute leopard-print outfits my Aunt Ginger bought them in OK.  They turned heads everywhere we went and we got some great pictures in the Gardens.  I love them both and am so proud to be their mommy.  My sweet Eden amazes me and seems to grow more lovely and mature each day.  She is an amazing big sister and is so delighted that Zoey is now beginning to let her help her.  My mind cannot fathom what my Zoey has endured.  While I have no reason to believe she was ever mistreated physically...the lack of having a mommy has taken an incredible toll on her...especially with her laid-back personality and developmental delays.  These 2 factors combined with orphanage living created a perfect storm in her little life.  I am, however, grateful for the great care she received by orphanage standards. 

I am so thankful that God, in His great wisdom and grace, placed her in our family.  Being her mommy will stretch and grow me in ways that parenting Eden haven't because they are so different.  There is NO way I can give them both what they need apart from His guiding Spirit and grace, energy, love and endurance.  I feel nervous for what lies ahead.  But I also am reminded of God's answer to the Apostle Paul's pleas for an easier life: "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness."  Paul then said, "Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me."

Over the past several weeks, I have been reading the book "Anything" by Jennie Allen.  A few days before we left for China I read a portion that God has seared into my heart and mind.  I believe it was Him preparing me for what He has called me to do in this season...so I will leave you with her words:

"When you turn your life over to a living God who sees need, who loves desperately, the way He chooses to pour you out will be as unique as the way He formed you in the womb and placed you in your space on the earth.  Some of our anythings feel flashy and fancy, but most of our anythings fall in secret places.

What we once did in order to matter or to bee seen we forgot all about.  We matter and are seen because of love.  Because there is an object to our actions, we move and love and restore not to matter but because we have been moved, loved, and restored.  Radical acts are not the goal; we are truly moved by a Person, in love with Him, with Christ.  And out of that love comes a willingness to trust and hand over our lives.  Out of that, Jesus, because He is merciful, leads us to the unique places where we can give our lives away."

God's priorities are beautiful, and they trickle down into invisible spaces...into neighborhoods and families and friends and strangers.  He will call us to pour our lives into the cracks around us, and sometimes into cracks far from our doorsteps.  But wherever He calls us, we pour, not wishing for a larger crack or a more noticeable one, or even the one we were expecting.  Truly knowing our beautiful and terrifying God will make us willing to do anything."

From Atlanta, GA to Guangdong China - my anything in this season is a little girl who is orphaned no more.  In the coming months I will pour my life into hers with fierce love and determination, stopping at nothing to see her healed and made whole by her Creator.  God is teaching and changing me through her life...and I am humbled.  Loving and serving Christ, my husband, and my 2 girls fills my heart with joy and love.  It isn't a fancy life...but it is wonderfully fulfilling if I remember for Whose sake I do it.

Love you all...please pray for tomorrow to be all that Zoey needs it to be in order to begin to heal and attach to us!

More paperwork

Hey there! Gene posting here tonight. Wednesday in China was more paperwork, including a trip to the doctor for a routine medical exam required before a visa is issued for Zoey to return home with us. Zoey is eating great and very agreeable. She is starting to warm up to Keri and let me carry her a few times today as well (though Keri so far is getting the big smiles and outstretched arms to hold her).

One thing that disturbed us today was when Zoey got a shot for a TB test, required for exit to the U.S. She did not cry. She did not even flinch. Like it didn't even happen. That's very unusual for a child, and indicative of detachment that is common in many orphanage environments. So Zoey is mostly docile and can just sit and play on her own, though she absolutely loves being engaged one-on-one. However, if we get her excited, it's just too much--she starts throwing toys around and getting kinda "wild". There's really no in-between. It will definitely be a learning process with her as we engage her and help her to bond with us as her parents.

She's getting lots of hisses and hugs and hand-holding and eye contact--all of which is very good for her. I wish we could do something about the over-stimulation, but we're in the middle of "Times Square" in this part of the city, with giant TV screens, and buildings that light up, and people and traffic everywhere--even the hotel is a giant sparkly wonder. That's when she gets in what I'm calling the "Zoey-zone". She literally spaces out and just stares off into the distance until things calm down. So it'll have to wait a bit until we get home to settle down and find a routine that's healthy for Zoey.

Thursday will be some down time and sight-seeing. Oh--we're 12 hours ahead of Atlanta, so we're just headed to bead now as you guys are starting your day. Then on Friday we head to Maoming to visit Zoey's orphanage, which will be a very long day, but well worth the effort. Saturday we should receive the rest of our paperwork in advance of Monday's U.S. Consulate appointment--the final step before heading home.

Eden is such a trooper. I swear she's grown a year before my eyes. She's such a great big sister--has all the motherly instincts and gentle but firm bossy-pants. Plenty of pics posted over at www.facebook.com/eugenelmason. Thanks to everyone for your continued support and prayers.

Day One with Zoey

Hello friends...this is Keri posting.  Zoey is napping and Eden is at the pool with Daddy so I have a few moments to try and collect my thoughts on becoming a family of four.  First and foremost, we are grateful...grateful to be here, at this place, at this time.  The Lord performed a miracle getting us here.  My sweet husband worked tirelessly for 2 years to get to this little girl.  Many of you gave sacrificially and prayed for us...and here we are.  The adoption became official this morning when we returned to the Civil affairs office...but let me back up and give you details of yesterday from mama's perspective...

We got up and had our paperwork meeting with Rebecca (our Lifeline person here).  She was AWESOME!  She did a great job of managing our expectations and she even knew some of our kiddos because of Lifeline's partnership with MaoMing.  She actually warned me that Zoey would not like me, or anyone for that matter, because she doesn't do well with strangers.  Part of our paperwork meeting was having the schedule and information about our children that the orphanage sent translated so that we would know what questions we had when we met the orphanage director later on.  Miko (another Lifeline worker who lives here) sat and translated for me.  We found out Zoey's daily schedule, food she eats, bathroom and sleeping routines, and some information about her development and personality.  She was described as delayed, which we knew.  She was described as peaceful and quiet, slow to react, language delayed and cognitively delayed as well as small in size.  We knew most of this before we came.

So, after paperwork we gathered our "bag of tricks" which for us included a Tigger pez despenser (HUGE HIT), Puff snacks, water bottle, and a couple of toys.  Armed with paperwork, cameras, and butterflies in my stomach, we set off for the Civil Affairs office.  Once there, we were herded to sit and wait.  They called all MaoMing families up and started literally pulling the kids one by one out of the playroom and thrusting them at us.  It was chaotic, surreal, and somewhat funny looking back.  Zoey came out last.  I will never forget that moment as long as I live.  Gene, Eden and I were waiting and they shoved her out and she walked out grinning from ear to ear, looking around, having (I'm convinced) absolutely no idea what was going on. She was just looking all around and grinning.

I finally got her attention and took her hand and walked her over to the side so we could officially meet for the first time.  Mother and daughter, father and daughter, sister and sister, grandmother and granddaughter...finally we were on the same continent, in the same country, in the same province, in the same city, in the same room.  Her reaction was so completely different from our experience with Eden that I was taken aback.  Earlier in the day we found out what "foster care" looked like for her.  She spent her days in the orphanage, and had several other children in her foster home...so there is not the strong attachment Eden had with her foster mom.  Plus, Eden lived with one family from 3 months until we got her at 19 months, and Zoey didn't go until she was 2.

Zoey did cry a little bit yesterday, but not enough in my opinion.  She is sweet and funny, but I can tell we have a long way to go to teach her to attach to anyone.  She is cooperative and playful.  She never resists and doesn't seem scared of anything (baths, strollers, new surroundings/people, brushing teeth, changing clothes).  When we are in the hotel room she is much more engaged.  But when we leave the room she completely zones out...it may be just too much for her - or that may be how she normally is...don't know yet.  What I do know is that this little girl THRIVES with one-on-one attention.  She delights in it.  She craves it.

After we brought her back yesterday we played a little, bathed, ate, and went to bed.  She slept great...but has pretty significant repetitive rocking in her sleep.  I'm assuming it's self-soothing habits from long ago and have no idea what to do because Eden didn't do that.  She woke up happy and smiling this morning.  Ate a great breakfast and then we went back to Civil Affairs to finalize the adoption.  Hasn't cried a bit today...once again, that's not normal.  Any "normal" 3 1/2 year old would be freaking out if they were just taken away less than 24 hours ago from everything familiar.  Eden grieved so hard, and Zoey not at all so far.  So, we will just take it day by day and let the experts at the International Adoption Clinic help us when we get home. 

I'm gonna be transparent here for a minute...I'd rather her be grieving.  With Eden, her grief was so deep that I knew she was very attached to her foster mother.  What I see in Zoey - and it is WAY too early to know for sure - is a little girl who has never truly attached.  She has definitely been well cared for physically.  She has been played with and watched and fed.  I am so grateful for that.  But she is so detached...from everything.  She watches and observes us - which is good.  But I honestly think if I let her, she would sit and play by herself all day long.  When I sit in the floor with her she lights up like a Christmas tree.  When we are alone in the room she will look me in the eye and somewhat engage...but out in public she completely closes down.  Some of this could be her developmental delay...not sure yet.  I do sense (once again too early to know for sure) that there is a true delay there and not just normal orphanage delays.

Oh, and she will eat until she makes herself sick.  So we will have to work on that, too. 

Overall, we are doing wonderfully.  Eden has been incredible.  Loving, patient, kind, and helpful.  Zoey won't engage her much but definitely isn't mean to her.  I think she's more used to playing around other kids than with them, which is typical for her age.  I know it won't be long until she loves her big sister.  I'm thankful there are 2 little girls and 2 little boys Eden's age who are biological kids in our travel group so the siblings are having a great time together while mommys and daddys focus on new little ones.  As usual, my mom is selflessly serving us however we need her to.  I am so grateful for her!

That's all for now...need to get her up so she'll sleep tonight.  Thank you for your prayers.  Love you all!

The Mason Four

Normally Keri posts to our family blog, but since this has been such a long day and there's much news to share, hubby is posting instead. Today was our "gotcha day" for Zoey Faith. For those of you not familiar with the international adoption process, it's the day that you receive your child. You walk into an office building as a family of three, and an hour later you walk out a family of four. Just like that.

The trip has been great so far. Keri, me, Eden and Keri's mom Roberta have all had a wonderful time. Eden tried to instruct us on how to eat noodles this morning, but the results were somewhat mixed.

Then we had a paperwork meeting, which lasted a few hours and where we received all the last minute details. I admit Keri and I were both more apprehensive this time around because Zoey is older than Eden was when we adopted her and we didn't know what to expect. During the paperwork meeting we were advised to "prepare for the worst". 

Next was the bus ride to the Civil Affairs Office. We had five families in our group all receiving children on this day. Other families from other adoption agencies would also be receiving children at the same time. So, a ton of couples, many with children, all converging on the Civil Affairs Office.

The adoption room in the Civil Affairs Office can best be described as organized chaos. Our group camped out in one corner. Our guide hurriedly called us up to the front of the room. Less than 10 minutes after we entered, we squatted down and Zoey was thrust out of the waiting area next door, stuffed animal in hand, wearing a backpack of toys, and plopped down in front of us with a big grin.

So began the process of meeting Zoey--actually Mao Zhonglun, at this point. She just kinda took it all in for a while, repeated some words back to Keri, scoped out the room. About 15 minutes in she let out a big cry. It was all just a little much. I left the room to meet with the orphanage director, where I got some history on Zoey and got to ask some questions. Keri and Eden continued to greet our newest family member while Keri's mom recorded the scene for posterity.

Zoey at this point seemed detached. She would not make eye contact with anyone and we could tell that she was hanging in there, but it will be a long road to bond with her. Since every child is unique, the process will be different than with Eden. She's pretty nervous about new people--including us--and people holding her close. On the bus ride back to the hotel, she took a short snooze on Keri's lap, which is a good sign.

Eden and Zoey had a great bath time tonight and they played on the floor of the room. We had a late dinner of rice and noodles in our hotel room and after guzzling down water and milk, Zoey quickly fell asleep. Tomorrow we have a long day of paperwork and interviews at the Civil Affairs Office, so be praying for Zoey especially with more change and strangers coming her way throughout the day.

Eden is doing super as a big sister. She is very taken with Zoey. Eden has a ton of little girls in our travel group and has made fast friends with many of them, which has helped ease the transition. We are so proud of her--today at gotcha day she was right in the thick of it jumping up and down and cheering on her new sister.

Keri and I covet your prayers for Zoey and our family during these days. We are so blessed by your support and encouragement. Thanks for being a part of our adoption process. We'll continue to post more news and photos in the coming days.

In Christ,
Gene and Keri

Day One from Guangzhou

Arrived safely in Guangzhou, China, yesterday. We're 12 hours ahead of Atlanta here, so in case you're wondering, Sunday morning will be hot and smoggy. We're traveling with two other adopting families, the Maddoxs and the Jones. We are waiting for a third family to arrive today. There are no planned activities today, so we are going to try to go to an international church that we heard is not far from the hotel. Interested to see what an "official" church here is like.

Keri and Eden are doing great. Keri's mom joined us again on this trip and we are so grateful to have her with us. Can't believe we're finally here and now one day away from meeting Zoey.

I asked Eden what she noticed about China yesterday while we were in a store and she said, "It's crowded".

Social media access here is somewhat--ahem--limited this time around, but I have managed to post a few pictures to Facebook at facebook.com/eugenelmason. Keri and I covet your prayers for the next two weeks as we complete this long-awaited process.

--Gene

And 20 hours on airplanes later...

We're here in Hong Kong! Arrived the evening of October 5 and getting a little rest before heading to Guangzhou tomorrow to officially get the adoption work going. Eden has been a trooper and handled the very long travel well. Everybody is tired and hungry, so we're calling it a night. Thanks for your continued support and prayers and we count down to Monday's encounter with our new daughter, Zoey.

Here We Go...

I cannot believe it's finally here.  All the months of waiting, paperwork, fingerprints, red tape, phone calls, training and reading, and prayer has led us here.  We get on a plane bound for China bright and early tomorrow morning.  We will fly to Hong Kong via Chicago...in coach...on literally the last row of the plane.  This should be interesting...

I am tired, emotional and excited.  With Eden's adoption we had over a month between our Travel Approval and when we went to China.  This time I had 10 days.  So, the room has been set up, clothes washed and put in drawers, house cleaned, mail stopped, fridge cleaned out, laundry done, a few meals prepared ahead and frozen, bills paid, dog and fish taken to our sweet neighbor, grass cut, carpet cleaned, suitcases packed, carseat installed, and loose ends tied up.  Whew!

We should meet Zoey on Monday afternoon China time...which will be the wee hours of the morning here.  I am looking forward to the next few days away from home so I can draw near to the Lord, pray, read, and journal.  The last 2 weeks have felt like a whirlwind.  I have tangibly felt the prayers of so many.  Please continue to lift us up!

I will update again when we land to let you all know we made it.  Eden is beyond excited.  It brings tears to my eyes to think that she is going to see the land of her birth.  Can't wait to experience it through her eyes.

Love you all...thanks for following our journey.

Final Preparations

Well, this is our last weekend in our home as a family of 3.  To be honest, I have mixed emotions.  While I am so excited to be bring Zoey home and into our family, I keep finding myself pausing to savor these last days with the three of us.  I know Zoey will make our lives fuller and richer...but change is hard and scary.  The reality of what we are about to do is setting in as we make final preparations.  As I added another booster seat to our table this week, the reality of one more mouth to feed, set of dishes to wash, manners to teach, etc. set in.  As I began filling her dresser drawers the added laundry became apparent.  I bought a few extra towels, a toothbrush and realized that's one more bath time, teeth to brush, story to read each night.  As I prepared toys for her, I realized there will be bigger messes, more clutter, less free time.  As I taught Eden this week I kept thinking, "How am I going to do this with a toddler running around?"  Each task I did this week I kept factoring in Zoey...

It is real.  She is not just a photo but a living, breathing little person with 3 1/2 years of history that has nothing to do with me.  She will come to us with preferences, opinions, fears, language, memories, relationships, and customs that we know nothing of.  She is likely to be broken, scarred, what Pat Robertson called "damaged."  A week from Monday, her world will forever change...and so will mine.  It is not an ending, but a beginning.  I have learned from experience that those first days are not indicative of all that our relationship will become.  She may call me "mama"...but it will take time for me to be her "mommy."  I told my neighbor today that I am not excited at all about meeting Zoey.  What mother who has given birth before is excited about labor?  I am excited to bring Zoey home, but meeting her scares the living daylights out of me.  It's not the dreamy, lovely image that most imagine.  It's not horrible, either...I would describe it as chaotic.  It's later that the snuggles come...the warm feeling that floods every part of your soul...the silent prayers of thanksgiving as tears stream down...that's what I long for...that's what I hope for.

I have gotten so many questions from friends about what we are going to do to communicate and bond since Zoey is 3 1/2.  My answer is always, "I have no idea.  I'm gonna just go with the flow."  If you know me, you just laughed out loud because I am a planner.  But one thing motherhood has taught me is there is no plan.  I have ideas, but they may not work.  I have intentions, but I'll have to play it by ear.  There is no "Baby Wise" for adopting a child this age...no formula...there are too many unknowns.  I take great comfort in knowing she has been prayed for by so many.  I have asked the Lord for supernatural wisdom and grace and I am trusting Him to supply it according to His perfect timing.

So, as we spend our last few days at home, enjoy these pictures of Eden and Zoey's newly decorated room.  And thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your prayers and support.

Eden's Bunk

Zoey's Bunk

My favorite - the corner shelf

Dresser, they each get a side

Zoey's side of the closet

Eden's side

Reading area

View in from the hall

The hilarious door sign Eden insisted on having

Christmas in September

It is like Christmas morning at the Mason home this week.  We received an email from our social worker saying our Travel Approval (TA) is on the way...meaning it's been issued and mailed.  She hopes to have it in her hands today (Friday) or Monday.  Once she has it, she will apply for our consulate appointment and we will know our travel dates.  My prayer is that we will know exact information by the middle of next week...can you believe it?

We have decided to attempt to go ahead and travel during the Guangzhou Trade Fair, which means our hotel rooms are more expensive.  This was a HARD decision, and one that, to be honest, I still have mixed feelings about.  We could wait until November to travel and save a significant amount of money...but we have talked and prayed and decided to go ahead and request the earliest consulate appointment available.  Please pray for God's gracious provision for these added expenses.

The next bit of good news was that Eden and Zoey's long-awaited bedroom furniture, which was backordered for several months, is being delivered Saturday.  My child is so pumped about getting bunk beds...and her sister to share a room.  I will post pictures once it's all put together.

And last but not least...we finally got an update on our sweet girl.  Adorable doesn't even begin to describe her.  We got updated measurements as well.  At 3 1/2 she weighs 28 pounds (likely fully clothed, with shoes) and is about 36 inches tall...not too small for her race but definitely on the tiny side for US kids.  I'm thinking my guess of 2T clothes will be about right.

So, Merry Christmas from our home to yours :0)  Enjoy the pictures...and I will update with details as I have them.

Waiting With Hope

We are officially on our second week of waiting on Travel Approval.  This past weekend some sweet friends came to stay with us and attend the Together for Adoption Conference that our church hosted.  I tagged along on Saturday and it was SO REFRESHING for this momma's heart.  Just that morning, I had been up early praying for sweet Zoey.  I was asking the Lord to soften my heart to her and help me to feel a deep connection to her.  You see, before we adopted Eden, I had so much free time as a homemaker without children yet to spend literally hours in uninterrupted prayer for Eden.  But now, as a homeschooling momma, wife, homemaker and freelance writer I am often doing good to have a quiet time and shower in the same day...moms everywhere are nodding their heads in agreement.  As the time gets closer to meet Zoey, fear and worry has begun to creep in...doubts and guilt when comparing how I prepared for Eden versus how I have for Zoey.  I am assured this is true in most "second child" cases, whether bio or adopted.  But it still feels yucky.

The Lord was so kind to quickly answer my prayer as I heard several "nuggets" that I know were just for me and Zoey...sweet reminders that I needed.  Hearing from the Lord renewed my hope and filled my "waiting tank"...at least for now.  I particularly enjoyed hearing from Noel Piper about things she wished she'd have known when she first became a momma; and from Tony Merida (co-author of Orphanology) about the Spirit of adoption.  Both were so encouraging!  I also got to meet the ladies at 147 million, whose blog I follow.  I also met Stephanie at Wild Olive, and got some great shirts for my girls.

So, we begin another week of waiting and trusting and praying.  One day soon my phone is gonna ring and the words "Travel Approval" are going to be spoken into my ear.  I get chills just imagining.  Once that call comes we will secure our Consulate Appointment and I will finally have travel dates to share.  As that day approaches, my prayers have shifted from process to person.  My heart has grown heavily burdened for what faces my future daughter.  My concern is not so much getting on the plane, as her heart being prepared for all that lies ahead.  I am begging the Lord to move her foster mom to show our picture daily and try to explain to her, as best she can, what is coming.  I know this shift in focus, for me, is like dilation in labor.  I sense in my gut that "labor" is beginning.  Soon I will go.  Soon she will leave.  The breaking will occur so the healing can begin.  And since I'm not physically with child, labor changes happen in the womb of my heart.  It's different, and yet very much the same, I would guess.  My groans are in prayer, and will be in grief for my child.

I am inadequate.  Yet I am indwelled by the Spirit who knows my child best.  I have only questions.  Yet I am led by the Spirit who has every answer.  Often I don't even know how to pray.  Yet my Jesus sits in heaven interceding for me and for Zoey.  I boast in these weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

And so we wait still...with hope, joy and confidence in the God who has never let us down!

Prove It!

James 2:14-26

“As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.”  James 2:26

Have you ever heard the phrase; “Actions speak louder than words”?  How about, “The proof is in the pudding”?  When I was a kid, there was a familiar scene on the elementary school playground almost every day.  Inevitably someone would boast about how fast he could run or how high he could climb, and his bragging would be met with a familiar, “Oh yeah?  Prove it!”  If I could sum up James 2:14-26 into a simple phrase it would be, “Prove it.” 

On the “playground” of religion, many claim to have faith.  Research shows that 92% of Americans say they believe in God, and 76% say they believe in Jesus Christ.  Why, then, is there a continuing moral decline in our country?  If the overwhelming majority of people believe in Jesus Christ, why isn’t that supposed faith translating into our culture?

There is a difference in saying you believe and actually believing.  The first involves only lip service, but the second requires the messy business of living out your faith in Jesus Christ.  And according to James 2:26, the two are inseparable.  True faith will always be accompanied by life proof.  Deeds are the life of faith just as the spirit is the life of the body.  James is not suggesting that we are saved by our deeds.  The root of salvation is always and only grace through faith (Ephesians 2:8).  Deeds, however, are the fruit…the evidence that the root, which is unseen, is indeed there. 

Abraham is the example James gives in this passage (verse 23).  When he obediently offered Isaac as a sacrifice, his deed fulfilled what God had said about him.  God credited Abraham’s faith as righteousness before Isaac was even born.  This proves that it wasn’t Abraham’s obedience that saved him, but it proved his salvation was real.  His faith and actions were working together.  The two are inseparable.  

How can faith be proven without deeds?  Even Almighty God, who is invisible, proves His existence and character by His works.  How much more so then should we, His children, do the same?  Salvation is eternal.  It is an unseen work that shifts us from the physical to the spiritual realm, moving us from death to life.  On the outside we look the same, yet in reality something has drastically changed.  And if you try to explain that to someone, you are likely to be met with a schoolyard, “Prove it!”  And while it is not our job to prove God is real; it is our job to prove He is real in us. 

Do You Enjoy God?

“But I trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation.  I will sing to the LORD, for He has been good to me.”  Psalm 13:5-6

The Westminster Shorter Catechism says: “The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.”  Perhaps one of the greatest ways that we as Christians can love God is to enjoy Him.  How does obedience glorify God if there is no joy?  How does service glorify God with no joy?  How does giving glorify Him without joy?  Our lives ought to be a song of joyful praise to our God, for who He is and for what He has done.

In his book, Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis wrote that God designed man to find his supreme happiness in Him alone.  He goes on to explain how sin robbed man of the joy that only God can give.  Satan convinced our ancestors in the Garden of Eden that they could invent some kind of happiness apart from God.  He deceived Eve into believing that she could be “like God,” and that God was withholding something good from her.  That first bite of forbidden fruit was nothing more than a hopeless attempt to find something other than God to make her happy.  Out of that first choice flowed all of human history…countless attempts throughout the ages to find joy somewhere other than in God.  Money, poverty, ambition, war, prostitution, slavery, empires – the long, dreadful story of man’s futile attempts to satisfy an unquenchable thirst for God alone.

Psalm 16:11 says, “You have made known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand.”  The psalmist understood what many of us do not – that it is useless to pray that God grant happiness through anything or anyone other than Himself.  He cannot do it.  Why?  Because it is not there; such happiness does not exist.  There is no satisfaction or joy apart from Him.  We were created to be in relationship with Him.  Not just an intellectual belief, but also a deep, meaningful, intimate, joyful communion with our Creator.  To know Him is to know joy like no other.

John Piper said it might be more accurate to say that: “The chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever.”  When we enjoy God, He is glorified through our lives.  So how do we enjoy Him?  There is no four-step process or spiritual formula.  We enjoy Him by looking to Him to meet every need, comfort every heartache, fill every void, and guide every step.  We enjoy Him by spending time with Him.  The more we know God, the more we will experience true happiness.        

New Photos and An Update

A fellow adoptive momma got some precious pictures of Zoey when she was in China last week.  Nothing takes longer than waiting for the photos to load on your smartphone so you can lay eyes on your little one.  She is so adorable I can't even stand it!  I've posted a couple of the pictures below.

As far as the process goes...we are getting SO close...and yet it still feels so far away.  We have are waiting for our Article 5 (2 weeks) and then we will await travel approval (TA) (2-4 weeks) which is the...are you ready for it?...LAST STEP!!!!!!!  Once we receive travel approval we will secure a consulate appointment within 48 hours which will determine our exact travel dates.  When the appointment is confirmed, we call the travel agent to book flights!!!!!

So, to sum up, we should have our travel dates in approximately 5 weeks.  Now that doesn't mean we'll travel then...in fact, I suspect we will be going in early November b/c of some travel difficulties in the month of Oct. in China.  There is a national holiday and an international trade fair which causes the rates to triple.  We are resting in the Lord's sovereignty and just know that one day soon, in His perfect time, a frightened, traumatized, precious little preschooler will enter our family forever.  She will be entrusted into our care...and that is not something that can be taken lightly, or entered into without much heart-searching, prayer, and contemplation.

It is so easy in this end stage of waiting to grow frustrated and just waste the days counting down, worrying, complaining, etc.  When the sweet mom that got the photos for me visited with Zoey in the orphanage, her caregiver was with her.  Julie told me that, "She seemed to adore her and they had a very sweet relationship."  I SO needed to hear that.  It reminded me to get outside of myself and focus on Zoey.  On Gotcha Day she will experience one of the worst days of her life from her perspective.  At 3 1/2 she will be ripped away from the only "momma" she has ever known.  She will leave all familiarity, security, comforts, and relationships.  And she will have no way of understanding that it is for her good, and for God's glory.  My heart is burdened with compassion for her...and the compassion I feel for her outweighs the impatience I feel to get on that plane.

I am so ready to meet her...but I am so humbled by what I know lies in store for her on that day.  So instead of praying for paperwork to come (I trust God's got that), I am going to spend my energy praying for her and for the 3 of us as we prepare to become a family of four.  I know that God will supply an abundance of grace to us all...but prayer changes my heart.

So, here are a couple of sweet photos of our future daughter.  When you think of us...please lift her up to the Father....and it's ok to mention that paperwork, too :0)

Slowly But Surely...

We are inching right along to bring sweet Zoey home.  We received our approval from Homeland Security to bring her into the USA yesterday.  Now we await confirmation of a travel visa from the US Consulate and then we can wait for Travel Approval.  We have been informed of some difficulties traveling during the month of October due to holidays and events on the China side of things...so there is a great possibility we will have to wait until November.  I am preparing myself for that possibility, but praying and hoping God will grant us mercy to get there sooner.  I have chosen to let God be God and leave it at that.

The Lord was gracious to Gene and I the other night to reveal some deep fears and insecurities going on in Eden's fragile heart.  I am so thankful He prompted her to verbalize to me some hints at what is swirling around in her heart and mind.  As a 6-year-old it came out in an overly-dramatic way...but I sense there is some truth hidden in there.  I was so convicted to stop giving my best to the "what ifs" and concerns of paperwork when I have a living, breathing, precious child right here.  Do I long for Zoey?  Yes!  Do I crave to know her?  Yes!  Do I sense a hole in our lives?  Yes!  But I must take all those thoughts to the Father and leave them there and get busy glorifying Him where I am, with who is here.

I cried when my baby girl bared her heart to me at the dinner table.  It's not that I think I have done anything to warrant her outburst; and I know that feelings of jealousy are normal...but I do not dismiss it as only that.  There is a lot going on and change is hard for all of us.  Eden has always struggled with change.  So I need to remember to listen to and depend on the Spirit as we navigate the days ahead.

Will you please pray for my Eden?  On top of all the adoption change...she is having surgery on Monday.  It's a "minor" plastic surgery for her cleft and we hope it will be outpatient.  No surgery is easy on a child, or her parents.  Please pray for us.  And keep praying for that paperwork to come through!  Love to all...

Weary

"Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world..."  Philippians 2:14

Seriously?  Are you kidding me?  If I'm being real, this is what I thought last night when I read this verse.  I literally almost laughed out loud...you know the sarcastic kind of laugh that really says, "Yeah right."  Let me just lay it all out there...I stayed in my pajamas most of the day yesterday, didn't do school with my daughter (does 1 chapter of Charlotte's Web count?  I thought not...), and was generally lazy and useless all day long.  Why, you might ask?  Because I was pouting, that's why.  It was one of those days.

That afternoon I called my sister and when she answered I said - and I quote - "I'm having a pity party.  Do you want to come?"  I am not lying or exaggerating.  Now, I figured it's only fair, well with all my godly posts about God's perfect timing, the beautiful journey of adoption, etc. etc. to share my bad day, too.  Now hear me, I am not proud of my attitude, nor do I recommend such childish behavior...but this is where I was...more accurately, this is where I chose to be.

And you know what?  It didn't help one bit.  I "grumbled and questioned" to everyone who would listen, all the while setting a horrible example for my daughter, just because I felt like it.  I was tired of choosing joy...choosing faith.  I have been doing that and the paperwork isn't going any quicker...adoption isn't any easier...life isn't any easier...so I gave up.  I.  Am.  Over.  This.  Waiting.

"Keri, because of My great love, you are not consumed.  My compassions never fail.  My mercies are new every morning.  Great is My faithfulness!"

His compassions never fail...even when I act like a brat and throw a tantrum.  He is faithful even when I choose to pull the covers of life over my head and squander the gift of time with worry and an ungrateful attitude.  His patience never ceases to amaze me.

So, today I chose differently.  Today I persevered through the mental and emotional weariness, the lingering questions and nagging "what ifs" of this adoption journey.  Today I cherished the time teaching my daughter.  We read about Isaac's birth and worked on memorizing Psalm 1:1-2.  We read a missionary story about a couple who was nearly murdered for their faith in the Congo.  My heart soared when, at the end of the story, Eden's almond-shaped eyes got wide as she said, "Wow mommy, God really rescued them!"  I savored the prayers we prayed for Hindus.  During history we read about how different people groups/cultures dress; and we had a wonderful conversation about how our clothing says something about us and our family's standards for what we wear.  I ironed, cooked a good dinner, carpooled to gymnastics, and cleaned out the fridge.  I got soaking wet in a downpour on the way out of Kroger and got mad at our dog when she escaped and ran across the street.

Today was so different from yesterday...and yet not that different at all.  Nothing happened today that didn't happen yesterday...no great news from China.  God was just as sufficient yesterday as He is today.  The only difference was me...my choice.  I told my husband last night when I was going to bed, "Don't worry honey, I'm gonna get up on the other side of the bed in the morning."  By the end of the day yesterday I was MORE miserable than when the day started.  In the moment I must admit it felt good to give in to my feelings...but not for long.

I don't know why I'm sharing all of this...maybe just to be real and say, "Yes, I have bad days," and to say how thankful I am that they don't have to turn into bad weeks, or months or years.  I can stumble and not fall.  Because God's mercies are brand new every morning!  So, I am choosing to cling to the truth that God loves Zoey much more than I do.  He has brought us this far, and He will get us to that little angel girl...and in the meantime, I might as well choose joy.  Just think what I would have missed today if I hadn't!  And soon, these 2 will be sisters forever!